Here are some green flags to look for when you meet someone who is interested in kink or the BDSM community:
When they treat you more than your kink. It’s a good sign when someone treats you like a whole human being who happens to be into kink.
Otherwise, it just seems like the person only wants to know you because they feel you can do something for them.
Understand that objectifying a person isn’t bad if it’s with consent.
Obviously there are types of play and kinks that are all about dehumanizing and objectifying a person—within the recognition of consent.
When they research and look into ways to perform better for you. An example is reading our posts, checking out resources, and actively learning how to engage within a kink better.
If they are willing to do the research, that displays a willingness to do some due diligence and their genuine curiosity to play with you.
Discussing limits, kinks, triggers, aftercare, along with taking the time to know you. The more you build a connection, the better experience you will have.
When you have more to talk about than sex and kink, then you can actually get the chance to really know who that person is.
When they know what they want and are honest and upfront about it. This is a sign that they know who they are and what they like. This is also an easy way to see if you both are compatible or not.
People who are honest about their experience or lack thereof. Some people don’t want to spend their time with a newbie and that’s okay.
Honesty is extremely important because you don’t want to be with someone who isn’t competent and lies that they are. Some forms of play are too risky for dishonesty.
Someone who performs aftercare. It’s extremely disappointing when someone doesn’t perform aftercare. It’s negligent and unfair, and you don’t want to play with someone who makes zero effort in aftercare.
Being involved in the BDSM community. Although many people are not as outgoing as to go out to munches are become regulars at dungeons, it helps when people are aware that you’re a good person in the Scene.
Not pushing limits and making someone use their safeword. A safeword isn’t a challenge that you want to brush up against. You don’t ever want to get to the point of using a safeword.
Checking in during the scene. Some people check-in too often, but generally this is a good flag that someone is being wary of your well-being. Make sure you talk about check-in frequency during negotiations.
Treating animals and people well. This is self-explanatory.
When they can admit when the scene isn’t working. The willingness to admit that they can’t get in the headspace. This way you can change the plan into something you both will actually enjoy.
Here are some resources I recommend:
DOM SUB 101 teaches you essential basic and advanced BDSM concepts, such as DomSpeak, power exchange, finding a partner, poly jealousy, primal play, contracts, worksheets and so on.
Submissive Journal: 365 Daily Journal Prompts will help you develop your emotional awareness, build your kinky relationships, as well as explore your submissive self-image and sensual desires.
Danger & Play BDSM Package includes handcuffs, mouth gag, kink paddle, collar and leash, nipple clamps, blindfold, shibari rope, and much more.
Classic Black Flogger is an incredibly versatile 5-star, impact play toy for both beginners and seasoned players.
Discreet Remote Control Vibrator 3 is the funnest toy to have your partner wear for getting them hot and bothered anytime and anywhere. (Read review)
Rose 2-in-1 Vibrator is easily one of the most pleasurable experiences she’s looking to have. (Read reviews)
Low Temp Wax Play Candles are incredible for very intimate, sensual experience that you and your partner will never forget. (Read guide)
The links above are NOT affiliate links. The product links are the exact same products I happily own from trusted vendor Sinful Goods.
Bathmate Hydromax is the safest and most effective male enhancement product I’ve ever used to increase my length and girth. Read more here.
Relationship Subliminal for self-hypnotism will help you change your unconscious behavior, gain better relationships, and attract like-minded people and partners.
DOM SUB 101 (Lite) is an affordable alternative to the ever-growing DOM SUB 101. This is for curious kinksters who are on a budget.
Inner Shadow Work is my main website that goes over psychology, spirituality, emotional maturity, consciousness, etc. If you’re interested, click here.
