Are you wondering if you are a Dom, sub or Switch?
To get an idea of what’s best for you, let’s go over some basics.
What Does Dom, sub and Switch Mean?
Dom Meaning: A Dom, or Dominant, is a “top” role played by someone who likes taking control. In BDSM, the Dom gets pleasure out of exercising control over another person. This control can be expressed with strictness, kindness, or even cruelty, depending on what’s agreed upon. Their dominance is meant to consensually deliver a satisfying experience/lifestyle for both “top” and “bottom” parties.
Generally, a “top” is someone who delivers an experience, and a “bottom” is someone who receives it.
Sub Meaning: A sub, or submissive, is a “bottom” role played by someone who likes being controlled. In BDSM, the sub gets pleasure by submitting their will over to another person. The submissive role is typically service-oriented towards someone they trust their well-being with. Their submission allows them to consensually surrender themselves to serve and receive an experience from the “top”.
Switch Meaning: A Switch is a “top” and “bottom” role played by someone who enjoys both positions of Dominant and submissive (or sadist and masochist). A Switch can “switch” between these mindsets per the scene and players involved.
You can learn more about Dom/sub relationships here.
Dom vs sub vs Switch
Everyone is different and the best role, is the role that’s best for you.
Although my focus is more on the role-playing aspects of BDSM. There are many people who are into the lifestyle.
Check out my story A Slave Auction at Sanctuary.
I am not a lifestyler. But apparently the best way to tell if you are is if you don’t drop the desire to dominate/be dominated after reaching the climax of your scene.
While roleplayers like myself can call it a day after some play, others will choose to make it a lifestyle.
This is not to be confused with “Top’s/Bottom’s Disease”.
That being said, here are some of the benefits of being a lifestyler:
Benefits of being a Dom.
- Reliable Blow Jobs / Oral Sex
- Control Over Partner
- Complete Devotion from Partner
- Enforce Positive Behavior with Punishment
- On-call Massages & Pedicures
- Guilt-free, Consensual Homemaker
I tried making the prior list applicable for both men and women.
The following is a list of points for maledoms worth noting:
- Politically Incorrect due to historical patriarchy
- Oversaturation of men trying to exploit women who don’t know any better
- Because of the previous two points, Doms must understand the necessity of emotionally nurturing their submissives
- All previous points can make maledoms overly cautious with how they handle their subs
Benefits of being a sub.
- Healthy, Contextually-Appropriate Expression of Submissiveness
- Understand Your Consent is a Power
- Satisfaction of Pleasing Another
- A Partner Who Gives You Structure For Self-Improvement
Someone expressing their innate submissive nature without a structured outlet (such as BDSM or Shadow Work) can lead to a lifestyle of martyrdom, enabling, and being taken advantage of.
This is because submissives can be very service-oriented personality-wise.
Cons of being a sub.
- Looked upon as “wrong” in society
- Naïveté invites abusers and exploiters
You must never forget that in a Dom/sub relationship, both parties are equals. Their roles are intertwined and those who are actually built for the lifestyle, find it very fulfilling.
Learn more about kink-related topics here.
