Here are some frequently asked questions for Dominants:
What is a Dominant, Dom, and Domme?
The Dominant is someone who takes control in the power dynamic or relationship. They are generally a Top, but not always.
Shorthand for Dominant are the words Dom and Domme, which can be used to differentiate between male-identifying and female-identifying players.
What are the most enjoyable parts about Domming?
Many Dominants, or D-types, enjoy being looked up to and worshipped by their submissives.
There’s a lot to enjoy when you have power over someone else’s body, psyche, mental attitude, and so on.
It’s also incredible that someone is willing to gift you their submission, vulnerability, and earned trust.
What’s better: Old Protocol or New Protocol?
Like everything in life, and even politics—embracing new ideas gradually while giving credit to the old traditions that brought the community this far in the first place.
Old Protocol and New Protocol can also be referred to as Old Guard and New Guard respectively.
This is because “New Protocol” is more aware and inclusive, which allows more diversity and acceptance to the present community.
However, if the security “Old Protocol” provides is too rigid, it becomes tyrannical.
The balance is keeping the traditions that helped the community survive and thrive, while shedding off the problematic issues so that there’s more accessibility and acceptance to those who fit morally and productively.
It’s the age old battle between: being too discriminatory (which offers discernment) VS being too prejudiced in the inclusive sense (which means well but the new ideas still have cracks for snakes to come in).
Keep in mind that Old Protocol revolved hugely around etiquette, manners, how to treat your Dominant, what must be gifted from others, etc.
Should a sub ask you directly if they want to play, or should the Dom initiate instead?
Old Protocol insists that the Dominant initiates a request to play. However, I prefer if a submissive initiates.
I initiate all the time and that can be tedious when they aren’t interested or available.
I’ve advertised myself pretty well on my apps, so it’s nice when the other person initiates. Even if it’s an “indirect direct” initiation—
I put “Say ‘hey’ and I’ll take care of the rest”, and submissives who follow those directions are 9/10 willing to follow-through and play.
How To Vet Potential Subs
Are they respectful?
What is their experience?
Do they have any positive/negative record or patterns of behavior?
What do they want out of their submission and what do they get out of submitting?
Does the potential sub and Dom have enough compatibility personality and desire-wise to establish a relationship?
Those are some good qualifiers. But similar to dating, you need to take the time to get to know the person before comitting or establishing anything.
How To Build Relationships with Other Doms
Dominants typically involve their ego when it comes to their submissive, and this naturally invites competition.
Especially when the Dom has collared their sub, because she is essentially a showcasing of absolute obedience—which is something Dominants want.
Befriending other Dominants can help you learn new things, especially if you’re both playing with a common, unclaimed submissive.
Keep in mind that BDSM has lots of roleplay, so some Dominants are not as intimidating or rough as you think they are.
However, the more disagreeable Dominants aren’t going to be easy to befriend and that’s okay.
What Every Dominant Should Have to Set a Scene & Dom Their Sub
The easiest way to get a sub into subspace is by using the following:
Blindfolds leave the submissive without sight so they are forced to focus on your smell and voice and sensations you allow.
Handcuffs restrain your submissive so they are now susceptible physically to your every whim.
This is because sensory deprivation with these quick, small tools can leave the submissive very vulnerable with very little effort.
We recommend the Danger & Play BDSM Kink Package.
How to Help A Submissive Who Is Panicking During Bondage
This isn’t uncommon if the submissive is new to heavy restraint play or bondage. The moment they feel uncomfortable, a sense of claustrophobia can set in and they start to panic.
At this point, the Top must untie and soothe the submissive.
Bondage requires a high tolerance for surrender and trust with a partner. If there’s any experience that’s going to make this clear, it’s going to be a bondage scene gone wrong.
Make sure you always have safety scissors just in case.
Dom Aftercare Tips to Prevent Top Drop
Usually aftercare is given to submissives because they are the one’s directly affected. However, there are times when a Dom needs aftercare too.
Here are some tips that will work for some Dominants, or Tops, for post-scene aftercare:
- Reassurance that the sub wasn’t hurt
- Reminder that the Dom isn’t bad for anything they did
- Removing gear and/or clothes
- Massaging or rubbing Dom’s feet
- Hydration and nourishment
- Checking up on Dom’s well-being a couple days later
Aftercare is a personal thing for everyone, so ask your Dom.
Does the Dominant get tired of being in charge & does it feel like they do all the work?
Yes, being a Dominant can be tiring mentally, emotionally, creatively, and physically.
Yes, it can feel like the Dominant is doing everything in the relationship.
Like damn, it can be a bitch trying to keep it together at times. But that usually means there’s some mismanagement or lack of delegation going on.
You can use DomSpeak to make your sub make decisions.
Plus, a Dom can take a break and sub too, which is a New Protocol thing.
Here are some resources I recommend:
DOM SUB 101 teaches you essential basic and advanced BDSM concepts, such as DomSpeak, power exchange, finding a partner, poly jealousy, primal play, contracts, worksheets and so on.
Submissive Journal: 365 Daily Journal Prompts will help you develop your emotional awareness, build your kinky relationships, as well as explore your submissive self-image and sensual desires.
Danger & Play BDSM Package includes handcuffs, mouth gag, kink paddle, collar and leash, nipple clamps, blindfold, shibari rope, and much more.
Classic Black Flogger is an incredibly versatile 5-star, impact play toy for both beginners and seasoned players.
Discreet Remote Control Vibrator 3 is the funnest toy to have your partner wear for getting them hot and bothered anytime and anywhere. (Read review)
Rose 2-in-1 Vibrator is easily one of the most pleasurable experiences she’s looking to have. (Read reviews)
Low Temp Wax Play Candles are incredible for very intimate, sensual experience that you and your partner will never forget. (Read guide)
The links above are NOT affiliate links. The product links are the exact same products I happily own from trusted vendor Sinful Goods.
Bathmate Hydromax is the safest and most effective male enhancement product I’ve ever used to increase my length and girth. Read more here.
Relationship Subliminal for self-hypnotism will help you change your unconscious behavior, gain better relationships, and attract like-minded people and partners.
DOM SUB 101 (Lite) is an affordable alternative to the ever-growing DOM SUB 101. This is for curious kinksters who are on a budget.
Inner Shadow Work is my main website that goes over psychology, spirituality, emotional maturity, consciousness, etc. If you’re interested, click here.
