Polyamory is a form of non-monogamous relationships where you have multiple partners each with their own various degrees of different types of intimacy.
You are essentially dating multiple people, and those people are dating others as well.
Speaking for myself, you could say I’ve had experience in polyamory. I’d sleep with, play, and hang out with different women. There was no monogamous commitment. Everyone was aware that we do our own thing and I cared about them and they cared about me.. However, in my life—these are called “friends”.
That said, the following are lessons that I’ve learned from others that have lived the poly life—
Communicate Everything
Tell your partners where you both stand with each other very directly, very honestly, and spoken in a way that cannot be misunderstood.
This means that you both will get very clear that you are both on the same page, emotionally, sexually, recreationally, etc.
For myself, I always liked pillow talk after sex and I’d ask her how she’s been and how things are going. Sometimes they would be sleeping with other people, sometimes it would just be me. But something I’d always be clear about was that I will never put any romantic relationships they find themselves in at risk. If they find someone they want to commit to monogamously, just tell me and because I care, I will leave it be.
When it came to feelings, I always made sure they felt comfortable sharing how they were feeling so I can confirm that we were on the same emotional landscape. By that I mean, nobody is being led on, we can genuinely care for each other without falling for the other, etc. There’s been times where they would tell me that they caught feelings and would need to step away for a while—no problem. I’ve caught feelings before too.
As for hanging out away from the bedroom, it’s just like having fun with a friend. The degree of affection depends on the individual. For example, going out for breakfast with her, sitting down at a table looking like a cute couple holding hands, talking about other people we’ve been seeing, having sex back at one of our places.
Don’t Force Scripts Onto People
Trying to compartmentalize your needs to such as high degree is massively controlling in a very unhealthy and unattractive way.
He goes in the financial, buy me stuff role. She goes in the hot sex role. He goes into the emotional support role. She goes in the get drinks together role.
People are not one-sided. Life is not one-sided.
It’d be ridiculous to create boxes that you would try to force people into.
Instead, it’d make more sense to meet a person, see if you like them, and just let them define the “box” or role in your life naturally.
Let people define where they can fit in your life themselves by naturally spending time with them. This way you aren’t forcing them to be anything they aren’t.
Besides, if you’re someone who is only looking for people to fit in roles like “food”, “pays bills”, “sex”. Then you’re too shallow for this—you couldn’t actually be polyamorous because you lack any depth love anyone anyways. Just be a sugar baby, no shame.
If you are trying to fit people into certain boxes, that just means they are disposable to you anyways. You aren’t looking at them as people (who are inherently complex), you are looking at them as single-purpose tools.
Very narcissistic.
Poly & Kink Are Mutually Exclusive
None of your partners have to be involved in BDSM, only if you want them to.
A lot of the people I’ve been with only got a wee bit into kink, but it’s mainly vanilla. Meanwhile, I’ve had some kinky partners come, stay and go.
Poly and BDSM aren’t automatically involved with each other.
Establish Boundaries & Enforce Them
Here are two guidelines that will help you establish boundaries and when to enforce them.
You must state what you want or don’t want 100% of the time with 100% honesty.
Bam.
Just like that, you are making noise with your face that let’s the other person know your expectations.
You don’t need to say it in any type of tone. You just need to say it clearly enough for the other person to hear.
This is called “being assertive” and just because you asserted yourself doesn’t mean they have to listen.
This is why when you tell someone what you’re looking for, you end it with the phrase “or I don’t think this will work out.”
For example—
“I need X from you or else I don’t think this will work out.”
“I need you to stop doing X or else I don’t think this will work out.”
You must understand that people don’t work on things they don’t have faith in.
People literally will only work on things that they have faith in.
This means that if your partner will not put in the work towards the relationship to make things work out—based on the boundaries and standards you have stated—it is because they don’t have faith that the relationship will work out.
It’s not worth it to them.
The same way you don’t work on things you don’t think will work or are worth working for.
If they aren’t working on making the relationship work, you tell them “this isn’t working out” and if they ask why, you can say why, and then leave.
You leaving is the most important part, given that you’ve stated what you’ve wanted from them.
Here are some resources I recommend:
DOM SUB 101 teaches you essential basic and advanced BDSM concepts, such as DomSpeak, power exchange, finding a partner, poly jealousy, primal play, contracts, worksheets and so on.
Submissive Journal: 365 Daily Journal Prompts will help you develop your emotional awareness, build your kinky relationships, as well as explore your submissive self-image and sensual desires.
Danger & Play BDSM Package includes handcuffs, mouth gag, kink paddle, collar and leash, nipple clamps, blindfold, shibari rope, and much more.
Classic Black Flogger is an incredibly versatile 5-star, impact play toy for both beginners and seasoned players.
Discreet Remote Control Vibrator 3 is the funnest toy to have your partner wear for getting them hot and bothered anytime and anywhere. (Read review)
Rose 2-in-1 Vibrator is easily one of the most pleasurable experiences she’s looking to have. (Read reviews)
Low Temp Wax Play Candles are incredible for very intimate, sensual experience that you and your partner will never forget. (Read guide)
The links above are NOT affiliate links. The product links are the exact same products I happily own from trusted vendor Sinful Goods.
Bathmate Hydromax is the safest and most effective male enhancement product I’ve ever used to increase my length and girth. Read more here.
Relationship Subliminal for self-hypnotism will help you change your unconscious behavior, gain better relationships, and attract like-minded people and partners.
DOM SUB 101 (Lite) is an affordable alternative to the ever-growing DOM SUB 101. This is for curious kinksters who are on a budget.
Inner Shadow Work is my main website that goes over psychology, spirituality, emotional maturity, consciousness, etc. If you’re interested, click here.
