Extreme Kinks are what’s considered riskier play, based on the preferences of the people involved.
When you think of extreme kinks, we want to consider the acronym RACK, where everyone is aware of the risks and consenting to the given kink.
That said, in a world where everyone is vanilla, everything kink-related would be extreme. The term “extreme kink” is essentially a measure to see how “deep” or “broad” someone’s experience is in the kink world.
So if someone asked you, “What do you consider extreme kink?” and followed that up with, “Have you done any of those?” they can get a pretty solid measure on what’s within your realm of competence, or at least openness to experience.
This is important because nobody should ever feel pressured into doing any acts they do not want to do. If someone is going to play, they must authentically want to play with their full inner consent.
No person and no relationship dynamic has the power to override anyone’s consent. If you’re partner doesn’t want to give you anal on your birthday, you ain’t getting anal on your birthday Jack.
Tip #1: Talk Through It
You need to consider the following things before consenting to follow through on a scene with a kink you feel is extreme:
- The equipment and education investment
- Physical and mental toll
- The psychological need it fulfills
You want to talk about this kink, how a scene would go, and so on, before committing to any of it.
If this kink is going to take a money and time (from taking a class) investment out of you. You want to make sure it’s something you’d enjoy too.
Nobody likes being badgered into buying a videogame or some product, only to find it not being used after having put it to use once or twice. Especially if you have to go through the trouble of learning how to use it because it’s so complex.
That said, consider what you like to experience physically and mentally during a scene. Does the new kink seem to align with any of the things you like? Assuming that you’re doing this for a partner, you don’t have to enjoy every aspect of a kink, but you should at least like it enough to do it without feeling like you’re being dragged into it.
If you and your partner, or other people who can tell you their personal inner and outer experience, can really discuss the kink and how a scene would play out, you can get a sense of their motivations to doing it.
When you understand your partner’s motivations for doing a certain type of scene, you can better appreciate how they want you to be the person who plays with them.
Deeply understanding the psychological need you are fulfilling in them, can actually be psychologically fulfilling to you.
(You can use the previous line to encourage your partner, or whoever, to share the intimate details and workings of an extreme kink. This way you can feel and think for yourself if it’s something you actually want to do.)
Tip #2: Use Hypno Play
Hypno Play, or Erotic Hypnosis, is the use of hypnosis and subliminal suggestion in a kinky consensual context.
The reason why hypnosis works so well is because it puts you in a trance that can make you do anything.
You are a human animal and you do things based on your current context.
When you go to work, you put on your employee mask. When you are with your family, you put on your family mask. All of these things are done automatically and unconsciously or subconsciously.
Using hypnosis puts you in a state where what you are being hypnotized to do, suddenly makes a lot of sense to you in your given context.
If you are being hypnotized into believing you are being eaten alive by lions, you will put on your “being eaten alive by lions” mask, despite the real-life context not fitting in.
It’s like dreaming, when you dream you already feel what the dream is about. You instinctively know “what’s the vibe” in your dreams.
This is what a trance does to you, it puts you in a dream-like state that plays with the human animal’s “meaning-making” function, which gives us the context to know which parts of our personality to put forward.
If you want to try an extreme kink, consider using hypnosis to help you out. Whether it’s to get yourself to try out the kink, but moreso to use hypnosis to feel how the kink would be like and deciding on acting it out consciously if you liked it.
You can read more about hypno play here.
Check out our recommended self-hypnosis systems.
Tip #3: Journey-Based Roleplay
This is where you tell your play partner that you’re going to take them through an unexpected scene, during negotiations, that won’t violate anyone’s boundaries or limits.
Because you are telling your partner to expect the unexpected, there could be some degree of fear play inherent to this course of action.
The breakdown of Journey-Based Roleplay is the following:
- During negotiations, tell your partner if they are willing to unexpectedly perform a scene and have a surprise experience
- Make sure you ensure your partner with great consideration that this surprise scene will respect their limits, boundarie, and anything else that’s spoken about.
- Help your partner make the decision by telling them what it’s not going to be. Depending how much they trust you will determine if they are willing to go forward with it.
The laziest way to do this would be by getting your partner a necklace and telling them that when they have this necklace on, they are giving you permission to do X, Y, and Z.
This is essentially using CNC as a guise to try out something new. But that’s why you will mention to your partner that is one of the possibilities, of many, that will happen if they choose to wear this necklace.
Again, this “gift w/ benefits” approach follows Journey-Based Roleplay in kink, because:
(1) You are making them aware that what’s going to happen is a surprise among many possibilities, (2) You are ensuring them that their boundaries, limits, and so on are being considered, and (3) You are leaving them with the decision to put on the “gift w/ benefits”.
Let’s say one lazy afternoon your partner decides to wear this “gift w/ benefits” and the extreme kink that you’ve already attached to it is a piss play scene.
Assuming you told them the rundown of how the gift works already, you can take control and narrate everything you are doing to them just before you actually do it. This gives your partner a couple of seconds to call things off if you say something that they feel is beyond their consent.
If they follow through with everything, after all is said and done, point at the “gift w/ benefits” and tell them “that’s the [piss play] [necklace]”.
Here are some resources I recommend:
DOM SUB 101 teaches you essential basic and advanced BDSM concepts, such as DomSpeak, power exchange, finding a partner, poly jealousy, primal play, contracts, worksheets and so on.
Submissive Journal: 365 Daily Journal Prompts will help you develop your emotional awareness, build your kinky relationships, as well as explore your submissive self-image and sensual desires.
Danger & Play BDSM Package includes handcuffs, mouth gag, kink paddle, collar and leash, nipple clamps, blindfold, shibari rope, and much more.
Classic Black Flogger is an incredibly versatile 5-star, impact play toy for both beginners and seasoned players.
Discreet Remote Control Vibrator 3 is the funnest toy to have your partner wear for getting them hot and bothered anytime and anywhere. (Read review)
Rose 2-in-1 Vibrator is easily one of the most pleasurable experiences she’s looking to have. (Read reviews)
Low Temp Wax Play Candles are incredible for very intimate, sensual experience that you and your partner will never forget. (Read guide)
The links above are NOT affiliate links. The product links are the exact same products I happily own from trusted vendor Sinful Goods.
Bathmate Hydromax is the safest and most effective male enhancement product I’ve ever used to increase my length and girth. Read more here.
Relationship Subliminal for self-hypnotism will help you change your unconscious behavior, gain better relationships, and attract like-minded people and partners.
DOM SUB 101 (Lite) is an affordable alternative to the ever-growing DOM SUB 101. This is for curious kinksters who are on a budget.
Inner Shadow Work is my main website that goes over psychology, spirituality, emotional maturity, consciousness, etc. If you’re interested, click here.
