In this post, we briefly go over five tips for subbing:
Topping from the bottom is something that Tops like on occasion, but find annoying over time.
Bottoms tend to do this to serve their own needs. Tops tend not to like this because they want the experience to be mutually pleasureable.
Although it can be okay at first, if you made it a habit for selfish satisfaction you should probably stop and talk to your Top about it.
This communication also honors consent.
A bottom with no hard limits or no experience is something a Top is likely to avoid.
What the Top is hearing is that you’re new and don’t understand how easily you can hand over your safety and end up hurt.
You’re better off explaining precisely what kind of fantasy you want.
This isn’t a challenge to see how much pain you can handle, it’s an experience to be enjoyed how you want it.
The Top and bottom dynamic demands a back and forth.
This means that while the Top is constantly adjusting to make sure the bottom is receiving things well, the bottom should be doing the same for their Top.
As a bottom, make the giving experience that the Top is providing a fulfilling experience.
Negotations is a great time to set expectations.
Submitting too soon is common with new submissives. You want the person to earn your submission.
This is especially important to note if a sub is having “sub frenzy” where they are riding a high from a scene and freely chasing the nect high by giving their submission to everyone for free.
Self-advocacy is an incredible quality.
Tops appreciate a submissive who is clear and sure about what they want to experience.
That doesn’t mean that they are demanding the experience (you can still play coy if you’re in the headspace) but politely asking what you want very clearly is very attractive and a hugely desired quality to have.
Here are some resources I recommend:
DOM SUB 101 teaches you essential basic and advanced BDSM concepts, such as DomSpeak, power exchange, finding a partner, poly jealousy, primal play, contracts, worksheets and so on.
Submissive Journal: 365 Daily Journal Prompts will help you develop your emotional awareness, build your kinky relationships, as well as explore your submissive self-image and sensual desires.
Danger & Play BDSM Package includes handcuffs, mouth gag, kink paddle, collar and leash, nipple clamps, blindfold, shibari rope, and much more.
Classic Black Flogger is an incredibly versatile 5-star, impact play toy for both beginners and seasoned players.
Discreet Remote Control Vibrator 3 is the funnest toy to have your partner wear for getting them hot and bothered anytime and anywhere. (Read review)
Rose 2-in-1 Vibrator is easily one of the most pleasurable experiences she’s looking to have. (Read reviews)
Low Temp Wax Play Candles are incredible for very intimate, sensual experience that you and your partner will never forget. (Read guide)
The links above are NOT affiliate links. The product links are the exact same products I happily own from trusted vendor Sinful Goods.
Bathmate Hydromax is the safest and most effective male enhancement product I’ve ever used to increase my length and girth. Read more here.
Relationship Subliminal for self-hypnotism will help you change your unconscious behavior, gain better relationships, and attract like-minded people and partners.
DOM SUB 101 (Lite) is an affordable alternative to the ever-growing DOM SUB 101. This is for curious kinksters who are on a budget.
Inner Shadow Work is my main website that goes over psychology, spirituality, emotional maturity, consciousness, etc. If you’re interested, click here.
