Here are five tips for topping your bottom:
You don’t need to read minds, you’re allowed to ask questions. There’s no need to always read the bottom by solely their expressions and gestures. You are allowed to make explicitly verbal check-ins and communicate directly. Actively trying to avoid verbal communication to “show off” your ability to read non-verbals can come off as insecure or even “try-hard”, when the bottom is very comfortable with voicing themselves.
There is a difference between dominance and domineering. The first can be based on quiet confidence, wisdom, high competence, and the ability to communicate vulnerabilities while establishing a safe space. The latter is insecure, meaning that the excessive control is being driven by fear—which is not inspirational or sexy. This is also the difference between healthy maturity and toxic immaturity (aka manipulation and abuse).
The Top doesn’t always need to top. Healthy relationships will negotiate responsibilities between the Top and bottom. The Top doesn’t always have to be in the driver’s seat, the Top can instruct the bottom to be responsible for things too.
Self-awareness is sexy. Knowing what you want and who you are is sexy. You do this by paying attention to your “inner consent”. If any part of you senses or feels unsure, that’s your being literally telling you to say “No”. If there are things you like, (not the things you want to want to like) then tell your bottom. If you don’t know who you are, a great place to start your journey of self-discovery is to ask: “What do I want?” and who you are will follow.
Have a skillset and clear intentions. It’s important to know why your bottom like their preferred play styles. This way you are more intentional about the play and can use your sex toy skills appropriately based on what the bottom wants to feel.
Here are some resources I recommend:
DOM SUB 101 teaches you essential basic and advanced BDSM concepts, such as DomSpeak, power exchange, finding a partner, poly jealousy, primal play, contracts, worksheets and so on.
Submissive Journal: 365 Daily Journal Prompts will help you develop your emotional awareness, build your kinky relationships, as well as explore your submissive self-image and sensual desires.
Danger & Play BDSM Package includes handcuffs, mouth gag, kink paddle, collar and leash, nipple clamps, blindfold, shibari rope, and much more.
Classic Black Flogger is an incredibly versatile 5-star, impact play toy for both beginners and seasoned players.
Discreet Remote Control Vibrator 3 is the funnest toy to have your partner wear for getting them hot and bothered anytime and anywhere. (Read review)
Rose 2-in-1 Vibrator is easily one of the most pleasurable experiences she’s looking to have. (Read reviews)
Low Temp Wax Play Candles are incredible for very intimate, sensual experience that you and your partner will never forget. (Read guide)
The links above are NOT affiliate links. The product links are the exact same products I happily own from trusted vendor Sinful Goods.
Bathmate Hydromax is the safest and most effective male enhancement product I’ve ever used to increase my length and girth. Read more here.
Relationship Subliminal for self-hypnotism will help you change your unconscious behavior, gain better relationships, and attract like-minded people and partners.
DOM SUB 101 (Lite) is an affordable alternative to the ever-growing DOM SUB 101. This is for curious kinksters who are on a budget.
Inner Shadow Work is my main website that goes over psychology, spirituality, emotional maturity, consciousness, etc. If you’re interested, click here.
