Here are some frequently asked questions for submissives:
What does being a submissive mean? How does this relate to sub and Dom relationships?
Being submissive is the act of consensually giving your submission to someone.
Gifting your submission to someone can mean allowing someone to tell you what to do and put you in states of vulnerability.
Subbing is a mental space where you are looking for guidance and seeking to please your Dom or Top while entrusting them with your mind and body.
While you are gifting your submission to a Dom, the Dom is gifting you with their leadership and guidance.
Why is the submissive life attractive?
You don’t have to make any decisions to expend more mental energy when you have a Dominant making decisions for you. This is because subbing allows you to give up control.
So someone who is always making big decisions at work or for their business can find submission to be a break from the mental load they carry in their public life.
How to tell your partner you are/want to sub?
In any relationship, relatively speaking, one person will be more active (or “Dominant”) while the other is more passive (or “submissive”).
If you are more passive, then the desire to be more submissive to your partner just sort of makes sense. It wouldn’t change the relationship much other then maybe another rung or two of intensity, that your partner can tell you how comfortable they are with it.
If you are more active, then wanting to be more submissive might be throw your partner off a bit. In this case, you want to approach your partner when they aren’t already tense about anything.
You can bring up the kink aspect of being submissive, along with toys you are curious to try out. You can also bring up Love Languages to make your desire to be submissive easier to digest for your partner.
This is all assuming that your partner is not very kink-involved to begin with.
Gifting your submission is a very vulnerable act. Especially between two people who are not comfortable giving or receiving it. So there will be an adjustment period and you need to take things slowly and communicate a lot.
How To Manage an Overstimulated Submissive
Some people can be overstimulated very easily and go non-verbal.
Although communication is very important between D/s dynamics and similar, the Dominant is also there to look out for the safety of their sub.
So the Dominant should be looking out for non-verbal behaviors in their sub. Considering that during play, the Dominant is much more verbal in general, a submissive has the leeway to go nonverbal.
Negotiating should also include their non-verbal behavior prior to any play. This includes mentioning how you will act and gesture if you are experiencing pleasure or pain while non-verbal.
When we say overstimulated submissive, we are NOT referring to subspace.
Do good Dominants sub for others?
The Sir that I’ve known was a submissive for a Master before he ever became a Sir. That’s how he earned his honorific. And the last I talked to him he had three devoted slaves.
It’s also good practice that you play as a bottom before you play as a Top so you know what your bottom is going through when you Top in the future. Which is great practice, but not 100% necessary.
Generally speaking, Yes, a D-type will be better at Domming if they’ve subbed or have experienced the bottom position during play.
What is the biggest mistake Dominants make?
They are too intense from the get-go. This means they get at things too fast or are too rough.
You want the Dominant to gradually build up their play. This way they can tell how their submissive likes it and how they respond to a certain level of play.
But by getting at it too quickly and too hard, they can hurt the submissive or even shock them out of play.
How to Get into Subspace Fast
This is different for everyone.
For some this can come from sensuality and vulnerability.
It could be certain toys and types of play, like bondage or sensory deprivation.
For others, it can be rough sexuality and degradation.
It might be verbal domination and commander arousal.
Point is, this is different for everyone and you need to find out what works best for you.
What is enjoyable about subbing?
Being appreciated for sharing yourself in such a vulnerable way. This is where a “praise kink” can be naturally inherent to being a submissive.
You also get a lot of the attention when you are a submissive. In many ways you are one of the focal points of your Dominant’s life and they are a focal point of yours.
From a Dominant’s perspective, you are coming up with things to do, keeping up with responsibilities that include those with sub in mind, maintaining the sub and the energy of the relationship, etc.
This is why subbing can even be less work, while finding where you both connect.
Here are some resources I recommend:
DOM SUB 101 teaches you essential basic and advanced BDSM concepts, such as DomSpeak, power exchange, finding a partner, poly jealousy, primal play, contracts, worksheets and so on.
Submissive Journal: 365 Daily Journal Prompts will help you develop your emotional awareness, build your kinky relationships, as well as explore your submissive self-image and sensual desires.
Danger & Play BDSM Package includes handcuffs, mouth gag, kink paddle, collar and leash, nipple clamps, blindfold, shibari rope, and much more.
Classic Black Flogger is an incredibly versatile 5-star, impact play toy for both beginners and seasoned players.
Discreet Remote Control Vibrator 3 is the funnest toy to have your partner wear for getting them hot and bothered anytime and anywhere. (Read review)
Rose 2-in-1 Vibrator is easily one of the most pleasurable experiences she’s looking to have. (Read reviews)
Low Temp Wax Play Candles are incredible for very intimate, sensual experience that you and your partner will never forget. (Read guide)
The links above are NOT affiliate links. The product links are the exact same products I happily own from trusted vendor Sinful Goods.
Bathmate Hydromax is the safest and most effective male enhancement product I’ve ever used to increase my length and girth. Read more here.
Relationship Subliminal for self-hypnotism will help you change your unconscious behavior, gain better relationships, and attract like-minded people and partners.
DOM SUB 101 (Lite) is an affordable alternative to the ever-growing DOM SUB 101. This is for curious kinksters who are on a budget.
Inner Shadow Work is my main website that goes over psychology, spirituality, emotional maturity, consciousness, etc. If you’re interested, click here.
