Sex parties today are gatherings that fall somewhere between a full-out orgy and a crazy rave warehouse party.
Make sure you get tested on a regular basis if your sex life is “sex party active”.
Where do you find a sex party? Usually through word of mouth by friends and people you know or online spaces. Most sex parties are invite-only. People usually throw this in their house, or groups online (such as on Facebook or FetLife), munches can also be a way to get in on a sex party by invite. The host of the sex party usually defines the theme, amount of people, and other factors.
Should you bring a gift for the host? Well sure, you can bring someone trusted and known for everyone to play with (with the host’s knowledge and acceptance). You can also bring toys or supplies or alcohol, that you intend on leaving as a gift. Bringing a gift for the host, and even guests, can help you get invited to future gatherings.
How do you plan for the sex party as a guest? You can have an idea of what you want, but it really falls down to letting things unravel and happen naturally. Be prepared for whatever role you intend on performing (topping, bottoming, switching, etc.) Bring your own supplies that fit the sex party. You also want an outfit that matches the vibe and rules, or at least bring it in your bag to change into if you’re not sure.
It helps to also bring the following:
- Personal towel
- Aftercare snacks
- Condoms
Make sure to deep clean yourself before the party, especially as a bottom. Clean out within two hours before leaving, and then again within 30 minutes before leaving. Make sure you get all the water out.
Always shower before a sex party. Don’t wear too much perfume or cologne, if at all.
Ask your questions to the host a day before at latest. Not an hour before…
A good guest also lets the host know they wouldn’t be able to make it sooner rather than later.
If you want a very smooth experience, in terms of getting in the right headspace, you might actually want to help the host set everything up for the sex party. You’ll feel more comfortable because you are more familiar than others before the party starts.
How do you plan for the sex party as a host? Provide spaces for people to have sex. Place sheets or fabrics over furniture so they don’t get ruined. Music and lighting for ambiance. Light snacks and drinks for hydration. And curate your guest list with people you believe would get along.
Make sure you have a safe space in case something unexpected happens to a guest. Even if it’s just to clean themselves (accidents happen) or to take a moment. A good host, will take notice and help smoothly pull this guest away to this safe space so they can quietly recenter themselves, while the host distracts others from giving the incident too much attention.
What do you do when you get to the sex party? Change into your attire if you haven’t already. Make small talk with people and figure out who you’d want to play with.
Know that other people are nervous going just as much as you are. It’s usually not until icebreakers or play starts that people are able to loosen up some and enjoy what’s going on.
If you’re interested in someone, go up and talk to them. Get to know them a little bit. Ask questions and share a bit about yourself. Lightly touch and see if they recipricate.
When it comes to getting high or drunk. Never be more than “mildly”. You always want to be a good guest and to be reinvited.
What do you do when the sexy part starts? By now you may have found someone you can pair up with, or there’s a group of people who want you to join. Always ask for consent. You can always say no (or more politely, “I’m not ready for that”). But expect to be at minimum, touched, since you are at a sex party. People are always able to take back consent at any time too.
You want to move around a bit so people see you who might be interested. But also because if you’re watching any people who are doing their thing for too long, they may get uncomfortable. Not everyone is okay with voyeurism, or an audience.
If people are already in a scene or being intimate with each other, don’t intrude. You need eye contact and reciprocating gestures for you to join in on something that’s happening.
Remember that a sex party is very much intended to be a participation thing.
Here are some resources I recommend:
DOM SUB 101 teaches you essential basic and advanced BDSM concepts, such as DomSpeak, power exchange, finding a partner, poly jealousy, primal play, contracts, worksheets and so on.
Submissive Journal: 365 Daily Journal Prompts will help you develop your emotional awareness, build your kinky relationships, as well as explore your submissive self-image and sensual desires.
Danger & Play BDSM Package includes handcuffs, mouth gag, kink paddle, collar and leash, nipple clamps, blindfold, shibari rope, and much more.
Classic Black Flogger is an incredibly versatile 5-star, impact play toy for both beginners and seasoned players.
Discreet Remote Control Vibrator 3 is the funnest toy to have your partner wear for getting them hot and bothered anytime and anywhere. (Read review)
Rose 2-in-1 Vibrator is easily one of the most pleasurable experiences she’s looking to have. (Read reviews)
Low Temp Wax Play Candles are incredible for very intimate, sensual experience that you and your partner will never forget. (Read guide)
The links above are NOT affiliate links. The product links are the exact same products I happily own from trusted vendor Sinful Goods.
Bathmate Hydromax is the safest and most effective male enhancement product I’ve ever used to increase my length and girth. Read more here.
Relationship Subliminal for self-hypnotism will help you change your unconscious behavior, gain better relationships, and attract like-minded people and partners.
DOM SUB 101 (Lite) is an affordable alternative to the ever-growing DOM SUB 101. This is for curious kinksters who are on a budget.
Inner Shadow Work is my main website that goes over psychology, spirituality, emotional maturity, consciousness, etc. If you’re interested, click here.
