DomCon is a convention to bring a better understanding of BDSM and to celebrate diversity and promote awareness through education with demonstrations, seminars, panel discussions, and social events and activities.
Still being a rookie in his first year in BDsM, I decided to spend a day at DomCon LA 2021. My hope is to learn more about the Dom, sub, and Switch mentalities. As well as how to play with some toys.
I drive us to the Hilton Hotel, where we sign in and get to the first seminar.
Whipping
Sir V gets everyone in the room to make a giant circle. Where he steps into the middle and shows us three basic whipping techniques.
The following video is a great video of techniques we went over in the workshop:
Pay most attention to Cattleman’s Crack and Sidearm Flick.
The only difference is that there’s much less space in a room full of people. So there isn’t too much dynamic movement, such as freely swinging the whip around your head. In the workshop, the movements were smaller.
Then Sir V tells P to take off her shirt and join him in the middle of the circle. You can hear the younger women in the corner being taken aback by the nonchalance of his order.
From here he shows us a few more techniques, including how to wrap:
What I Saw
Walking back to the lobby there was a room displaying pieces of BDsM & LGBTQ history.
As I walked through all the vendors, a few things catch my eye:
Whips
The very first thing that sticks out to me after the workshop is a Whip vendor. Here I see many whips laid out on a table. The one that catches my eye is a whip with a handle shaped like a cobra. That work of art went for $750!
My friend Eduardo, who made me my flogger, got very well acquainted with the vendor. His name is Roger P. and you can see he has some reputation within the BDSM community here.
Damn! I really wish he had an online shop so you can see how awesome his stuff is. He’s a very nice person and proud of his craft.
36-inch Bull Cock
“Do you know what that is?”
*slowly and innocently strokes it with one hand, from one end to the other*
Me: “A stick?”
The vendor tells me it’s a 36-inch bull cock. I immediately wanted it. Not to use on someone (I hadn’t known how to use it yet).
But so I could change my Tinder profile to say “I have a 36-inch cock” and I wouldn’t be lying. Because, y’know, I love to disappoint (kidding).
I can’t really say that much caught my eye. So I head over to the next workshop.
Submissive Mindset
I sat in a workshop where they discussed helping your submissive get immersed into their role. Here are some talking points:
Helping an overwhelmed sub
The instructor tells us the lifestyle subs can become overwhelmed with the stresses of life, causing them to have trouble playing their role. Too many stressors cause a person to become anxious and overwhelmed.
The best way to help a sub who is going through this phase is to help make their responsibilities easier and communicating.
Some lifestyle Dom/sub relationships have arranged domestic duties to the sub. But if the sub is unable to think straight, helping with their duties lets the sub think more clearly since there’s less on their plate.
Communication is also good because it allows them to process their scattered thoughts. By speaking, they are organizing everything in their mind.
By aiding a sub like this internally and externally, they’ll regain mental clarity and emotional stability.
Now they didn’t say it like this, instead, I included my own knowledge of psychology and rhetoric to get the ideas across clearly.
Sensual punishment to snap into role
A Dom jumped in and mentioned that he uses punishment to bring his sub back into the moment.
Anxiety comes from having the mind on too many things and being future-oriented. By using sensation, he’s bringing his sub’s focus onto the present and into the scene.
I think this is effective if the play is sensational enough to bring the sub’s focus into the dynamic. Which is the entire point of the discussion BUT—
If the sub isn’t stimulated enough by their punishment, their mind will wander. They might be too preoccupied to even acknowledge the punishment if the stressors are notable.
It’s also a very short-term solution since once the punishment is over, the endorphin high only lasts so long. As the sub comes down, those stressors can come back.
Importance of safe words
The instructor tells us that if you can trust your sub to say “red”, you can trust them when they say “go”. It’s important that your sub knows that there are no negative consequences to saying “red”.
He then tells us some nuance about safe words, like nonverbal cues.
If you’re interested, check out my post on Safewords.
You can also check out my much more in-depth article on Submission & Surrender here. Based on a workshop given by a professional BDsM practitioner.
Dream Work
At dinner, I performed an active imagination meditation and some dream work analysis.
After finishing the meditation with a friend, it was clear that he felt a growing bond with a woman.
Then I gave that woman a dream analysis. It was clear that her psyche’s image of man was evolving.
Both of these individuals had been developing a sort of “twin flames” bond over the past weekend.
What’s most interesting is that this woman is a lesbian. Which kinda makes the ordeal a bit confusing since she and the man seem to be smitten.
But I want to make the following point:
Everyone has been brought up with an image of “man” and “woman” in their psyches.
The truth is that, if it weren’t for traditional sex roles, there wouldn’t be two separate images.
(However, I lean towards believing they are necessary for formative years until society figures out how to embrace a child’s specific personality per individual basis and accept sexuality in its legal entirety; very, very lofty ideal.)
Instead, people would be seen as they truly are. Simply people, or beings.
When you understand that our psyches project sex roles and their related expectations and entitlements onto others, you can sort of intuit how genders truly are constructs.
Sexual orientations such as demisexual, pansexual, and others like this, start to make more sense than simply heterosexual, or even homosexual.
(If you can get past the arbitrary belief that you need to HaVe OfFSpRinG tO PasS oN YoUR GeneS. Which is a respectable goal if you consciously choose to do this and not assume it – as most people egoically do.)
The tradition of sex roles is why we don’t realize that we are more common than we are different.
As we mature, so do the psyche’s images of “man” and “woman”. Eventually, you learn that we’re both very similar. Society and upbringing have caused us to repress some qualities while embracing others.
As if we start at nearly opposing ends of a spectrum, and are working our way to our own happy middle.
We all grow in different ways and in different days. It just so happens that we don’t see how surprisingly similar we are until we hopefully mature (integrate what’s repressed) as we get older.
Check out my post: Dom sub Psychology – Shadow Play.
Interested in Shadow Work?
Here are some resources I recommend:
Shadow Work Course is based on my in-depth research and personal experiences with shadow work, projection, sadomasochism, inner child healing, triggers, and all things shadow. This course is updated every year and gets new content at no additional cost. Learn more here.
A Light Among Shadows is a guide on self-love and being. This short course goes over topics such as consciousness, spirituality, philosophy, and makes sense of why people are the way they are. Recommended for people dealing with resentment and self-hate. Learn more here.
Shadow Work Journal: 240 Daily Shadow Work Prompts contains inner work related to relationships, anger, anxiety, self-love, healing trauma, abandonment issues, depression, forgiveness, etc.
Manifestation Series (FREE) teaches you holistic thinking, systems thinking, and how to mend your inner child wounds so you can align with your higher self and move forward in life. This series is made up of video clips originally posted on TikTok.
Room 1635
We take a quick detour to prepare for the party upstairs. When we get to the room, it’s crowded. Lots of people dressed for play.
Check out A Slave Auction at Sanctuary.
