Understand that rope bondage is inherently risky and can only be performed at a reduced risk, never risk-free.
It’s not uncommon to run into fake doms or fake subs who are misrepresenting their skill level and experience in the kink community.
However, this is found even more often in the bondage sphere of the community. This is dangerous because rope play, and even suspension, is much more dangerous when left in the hands of the inexperienced.
The barrier to entry for rope bondage and other forms of bondage is very high. This is due to having all the materials, acquiring knowledge, taking in-person trainings, etc.
So when you do come across someone who is well-versed in bondage, you’ll find that that they tend to only want to play with others who are very knowledgeable in bondage as well.
This leaves the inexperienced left to play with each other, when they have no idea what risky business they’ve gotten themselves into.
Vetting for an Experienced Rope Bondage Top
Vetting is evaluating whether or not this person is someone you want to play with. This evaluation involves getting to know the person’s interests, experience, skills, limits, and references from others to see if this person is true to character.
It’s actually really easy to be deceived when it comes to “experience”. For example, someone can tell you they started bondage five years ago. That statement alone can sound good, but the devil is in the details.
Someone who practices bondage once every other month in a span of five years will have much, much less experience than someone who has made it a weekly practice over the span of one year.
You also have to consider their references. Ask for a range of people they’ve played with using bondage. At the end, ask how many of those went well and not-so-good.
You don’t only want to hear from the 3 out of 30 they cherry-picked that went well. You want to get a feel for their ratio of safe-fun vs dangerous-bad.
A couple of questions you can ask the potential rope top is:
How often are you doing rope bondage?
Do you have anyone you regularly do rope bondage with? Cool, how often do you guys play?
What did you do the last time something went wrong during a bondage scene?
The goal is to see how invested they are in the skill via some level of consistency and workshops taken. Also, over time something will always go wrong—so if they claim nothing has ever gone wrong, they are either inexperienced or lying.
You also want to know if they are open to playing in a public space. This way you know whether the community is open to having them, or if they’ve been banned or blacklisted.
Keep an eye to see if your potential rope top is only chasing after the young and inexperienced. If they don’t have others that are within their demographic in age or experience playing with them, it’s best to steer clear for the time being.
Your Due Diligence in Safety Knowledge
If you are a bottom, you have to do your due diligence and educate yourself on any kink topic you are interested in. Do not lean on anyone to do all the thinking for you—especially when it comes to your safety.
Here are things BOTH rope bottom and rope Top must know before any rope play:
- Wrist Drop
- Circulation
- Nerve Damage
Check out this FREE safety pamphlet to learn about these topics.
Starting Out With A New Rope Top
After you’ve done a large amount of vetting, now you are closer to actual play.
First, you’ll want to take a look into their rope kit and find out the following:
- Type of rope
- What are the rope dimensions?
- Is the rope clean or dirty?
- First Aid Kit
- Safety Shears (recommended)
Reconsider playing with this person if their rope kit is unkempt, unclean, and worn down.
Absolutely deny playing with this person if they do not have safety shears, or nurse-grade level shears like those we recommend.
If you can, play in public so you can better ensure your safety. Not only because you probably don’t know how this partner plays, but because the dungeon is likely to take care of all equipment to reduce risk as much as possible.
It’s also helpful to see if you can get someone to volunteer as a spotter for your first time playing with this rope top in public. This is important in case there is any miscommunication, ignored consent, or unheard safewords.
What is Rope Space & What To Do About It
Rope Space is an altered state of mind when you engage in rope bondage activities. This is one of bigger appeals of playing with rope, to many people.
It’s important to know what rope space is, because many times people are violated when they unknowingly enter rope space and then are taken advantage of, intentionally or not, by their rope partner.
You’ll want to talk to each other and have some plan of action, or adhered guidance, in case you fall into rope space so your play partner knows what to do. You can mention this in negotiations. Over time, as you grow to trust this person, you can choose to continue the scene after entering rope space instead of end the scene.
Here are some resources I recommend:
DOM SUB 101 teaches you essential basic and advanced BDSM concepts, such as DomSpeak, power exchange, finding a partner, poly jealousy, primal play, contracts, worksheets and so on.
Submissive Journal: 365 Daily Journal Prompts will help you develop your emotional awareness, build your kinky relationships, as well as explore your submissive self-image and sensual desires.
Danger & Play BDSM Package includes handcuffs, mouth gag, kink paddle, collar and leash, nipple clamps, blindfold, shibari rope, and much more.
Classic Black Flogger is an incredibly versatile 5-star, impact play toy for both beginners and seasoned players.
Discreet Remote Control Vibrator 3 is the funnest toy to have your partner wear for getting them hot and bothered anytime and anywhere. (Read review)
Rose 2-in-1 Vibrator is easily one of the most pleasurable experiences she’s looking to have. (Read reviews)
Low Temp Wax Play Candles are incredible for very intimate, sensual experience that you and your partner will never forget. (Read guide)
The links above are NOT affiliate links. The product links are the exact same products I happily own from trusted vendor Sinful Goods.
Bathmate Hydromax is the safest and most effective male enhancement product I’ve ever used to increase my length and girth. Read more here.
Relationship Subliminal for self-hypnotism will help you change your unconscious behavior, gain better relationships, and attract like-minded people and partners.
DOM SUB 101 (Lite) is an affordable alternative to the ever-growing DOM SUB 101. This is for curious kinksters who are on a budget.
Inner Shadow Work is my main website that goes over psychology, spirituality, emotional maturity, consciousness, etc. If you’re interested, click here.
