Fetlife is a social media platform for all things kinky. This is not a dating website.
You can check out out old post How To Get Into The BDSM Community & Fetlife As A Beginner.
How do people use Fetlife? Nowadays, people log into Fetlife to check up on events in their area, maybe interact with community pages, reply to their inbox, and that’s it. Think of it more like a social media platform for keeping up with people you’ve already been acquainted with—it’s not used for meeting up with new people like it was many years ago.
When you create a Fetlife account you (1) start by creating a username, which you can use to reflect your own kink preferences if you’d life.
(2) Then you put your gender and sexual orientation, some of which include the following:
- Heterosexual
- Asexual
- Polysexual
- Homosexual
- and so on
(3) You get to pick up to five options for role, which is not limited to the following:
- Dominant/Domme
- Daddy Dom
- Mommy Dom
- Switch
- Submissive
- Master
- Mistress
- Slave
- Devotee
- Kajira
- Service Top
- Power Bottom
- Sadist
- Masochist
- and so on
You can put kinkster or exploring if you are still new to kink.
(4) Choose your city, but don’t be too specific if you live in a small town.
(5) Fill out the rest of the personal info.
Pick a profile picture(s) that isn’t your face. Instead, leave your face in your albums if you’d like. But when it comes to your profile, opt for a picture that shows off your body or kink. Use an original picture and not something you find off the internet so other users will take you more seriously.
Check out your Latest Feed to see recent activity by people you follow or whom you are friends with. Be prepared to see a lot of nudes and homemade porn when you see group activities on your feed.
Meet people from Fetlife by checking out groups. You can join groups by interests, area, or any other criteria you can think of. You can also meet through personal ads, however, this is more likely to be a hook-up, or similar, type of meeting. If you are new, definitely check out your local groups, especially if you have niche local groups.
Check out Events that are Near You to get more experience in the community. You can also use this tab if you are traveling, looking for munches, parties or dungeons. This is also a good place to check out educational classes or conventions. This is the way to find events in your area, if not a virtual event.
Your profile page will have an About section where you can put what you’re looking for, some personal interests, and your experience level. Not only should you put what you are looking for, you should also put what you can offer to any potential partners.
The Fetishes tab allows you to add interests and fetishes to your profile. If you are a generalist, it’s best to mention that in your About section. Try to reserve your Fetishes section to more specific kinks that you are into, because having only a handful or two of fetishes gives you a better image because it shows you know what you like and are more interested in meeting like-minded people.
Look over your Privacy settings and make sure you are comfortable with how your account is set up. This includes your inbox settings, content settings, group settings and so on. Understand that as much as you can lock down your privacy, people can still find your material fairly easily, so don’t upload anything you wouldn’t want anyone to find.
Here are some resources I recommend:
DOM SUB 101 teaches you essential basic and advanced BDSM concepts, such as DomSpeak, power exchange, finding a partner, poly jealousy, primal play, contracts, worksheets and so on.
Submissive Journal: 365 Daily Journal Prompts will help you develop your emotional awareness, build your kinky relationships, as well as explore your submissive self-image and sensual desires.
Danger & Play BDSM Package includes handcuffs, mouth gag, kink paddle, collar and leash, nipple clamps, blindfold, shibari rope, and much more.
Classic Black Flogger is an incredibly versatile 5-star, impact play toy for both beginners and seasoned players.
Discreet Remote Control Vibrator 3 is the funnest toy to have your partner wear for getting them hot and bothered anytime and anywhere. (Read review)
Rose 2-in-1 Vibrator is easily one of the most pleasurable experiences she’s looking to have. (Read reviews)
Low Temp Wax Play Candles are incredible for very intimate, sensual experience that you and your partner will never forget. (Read guide)
The links above are NOT affiliate links. The product links are the exact same products I happily own from trusted vendor Sinful Goods.
Bathmate Hydromax is the safest and most effective male enhancement product I’ve ever used to increase my length and girth. Read more here.
Relationship Subliminal for self-hypnotism will help you change your unconscious behavior, gain better relationships, and attract like-minded people and partners.
DOM SUB 101 (Lite) is an affordable alternative to the ever-growing DOM SUB 101. This is for curious kinksters who are on a budget.
Inner Shadow Work is my main website that goes over psychology, spirituality, emotional maturity, consciousness, etc. If you’re interested, click here.
