In this post, we go over the relationships dynamics that go on between stags, bulls, and vixens in BDSM.
A Vixen is a woman who dates and has sex with other men (known as bulls) with encouragement and the fully aware consent of their committed partner (aka stag).
This is not cheating or a cuckold relationship, where the stag is being humiliated and/or dominated.
A Stag is a man who is in a committed relationship with a woman (the vixen) who consents and encourages her to intimately engage with other men (her bull), sexually or not, with his full knowledge of it happening.
This can mean he is watching, participating, or merely knowing, that she is sexually engaging with other men via gangbangs, MFM threesomes, or simply having sex with others.
Differences Betweem Vixen/Stag and Hotwife/Cuck
A hotwife is a woman who is in a committed relationship with a man who likes sharing her with other men (bulls).
There is nothing about the dynamic that is inherently intended to emasculate her partner.
A cuckold is a partner who witnesses their partner being sexually unfaithful as part of a humiliation kink.
This is a form of consensual non-consent within the context of BDSM.
In real life, it wouldn’t make sense that a person who is cheated on is called a cuckold because that would imply that their foundational beliefs forming humiliation, points to a moral failure on themselves for someone else’s wrongdoing; this is a mental distortion.
The reason it makes more sense to use the terms Vixen / Stag instead of Hotwife / Cuckold is because:
The terms vixen and stag mean that the couple is in a committed relationship where sex with others isn’t a means of putting a partner down. The vixen isn’t being “hoed” out to other men and the stag isn’t being “humiliated” by their partner.
The terms hotwife and cuckold inherently contradict each other as a pair. The term hotwife means she is not emasculating her partner, while a cuckold wants to feel emasculated.
Why Do People Like Being Stags?
Understand that the words hotwife and vixen are largely interchangeable when talking about the roles of a single person.
Reason #1: Sense of Pride
There are stag men who take a lot of pride for getting a wildly attractive partner. It just so happens that they enjoy it when their partner is intimate with other men too.
So for people who aren’t into sharing their partner, this is very much an situation where “the stars aligned”.
This is not an emotionally tough situation where someone is breaking their own inner consent in hopes of keeping a relationship. Instead it is something that comes easily to those involved.
Reason #2: End of Day Devotion
This means that the stag and vixen know that they have a deeper bond for each other that isn’t affected by sexual relationships with others.
At the end of the day, they end up with each other—and whatever that emotional quality is, it is the bedrock for the relationship.
Knowing that, yeah she can go do her thing—as long as she, and the others know, that in the end I’m the ever-permanent figure and they are not, I come out on top.
Since I don’t do this, I can’t really see what that quality is. If I had to guess, it’s some absolvement of “selfishness” that many poly people get very self-rightious about—
I DoN’t fEel tHe nEeD tO cOnTroL mY pARtneRs SeXual (blah blah blah).
All human beings have the need to self-procure and it’s completely rational to be protective of those you see as foundational for your future life together.
I’m totally for you sharing your partner as freely as you want to. But those who are self-righteous in sharing their partner sexually as if they are better than you are likely those who haven’t owned their own propensity for selfishness and protectiveness.
There’s either a lack of foresight or a lack of actual future plans with the partner they are using to prop up their inflated ego; mild lunacy.
But I’ve also come across some pretty cool dudes in the community who offer their partner. They also share the belief of not stifling their partner’s sexuality for their own selfish reasons. I respect those guys, they keep it real. There is genuine lack of selfishness because they don’t attach their ego to “I allow my partner free rein on sexual liberty so I’m better than you” mentality.
I own my selfishness and people on the more vanilla-side of things seem to really like that.
They own their selflessness, and they are the ones in touch with their emotional aspects that only needs that “end of the day” persistent devotion from their partners. Respect.
Reason #3 Testing & Proving Trust and Devotion
Depending on the dynamics of the unique relationship, the stag can tell their vixen to go do things with a stag.
Since they enjoy this dynamic, they like knowing that they can trust that their vixen partner will come back.
If the dynamic leans more into a kink, then the stag may be more strict and demand his partner to sleep with anyone if he wanted to (and within the realm of everyone’s consent).
This could all fall under a sort of vixen dollification. Where the gratification the vixen gets doesn’t have to be the sexual liberties they are receiving, but in actively gratifying their stags demands.
Not all stag/vixen relationships have power exchange, bdsm, or kink involved, like this particular reason is implying.
Are Stag & Vixen Relationships Polyamorous?
Not inherently. Polyamory means that you are forming more intimate connections with the other people you are seeing.
In stag/vixen relationships, you are more likely to have flings where you return to your partner at the end of the day.
Can these be polyamorous relationships? Yeah, but that would depend on the individual bull your vixen partner is wrangling up with.
Is it someone the vixen happened upon and got the stag’s consent with? Is the stag demanding that there vixen go play with a specific bull he has already talked to?
Each relationships is unique on its approach, so make sure to always communicate.
The bull always needs to be made aware of their role in the relationship.
Listen, you are just a fling and that’s it. Don’t leave marks on me, I’m not giving you head or anal. Those are for my partner, whom I love and you will never replace.
If you wanted to go beyond that, such as going out for coffee as friends, then that’s something that is discussed between stag and vixen, and the final verdict will trickle down to the bull where they decide if that’s cool with them.
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DOM SUB 101 teaches you essential basic and advanced BDSM concepts, such as DomSpeak, power exchange, finding a partner, poly jealousy, primal play, contracts, worksheets and so on.
Submissive Journal: 365 Daily Journal Prompts will help you develop your emotional awareness, build your kinky relationships, as well as explore your submissive self-image and sensual desires.
Danger & Play BDSM Package includes handcuffs, mouth gag, kink paddle, collar and leash, nipple clamps, blindfold, shibari rope, and much more.
Classic Black Flogger is an incredibly versatile 5-star, impact play toy for both beginners and seasoned players.
Discreet Remote Control Vibrator 3 is the funnest toy to have your partner wear for getting them hot and bothered anytime and anywhere. (Read review)
Rose 2-in-1 Vibrator is easily one of the most pleasurable experiences she’s looking to have. (Read reviews)
Low Temp Wax Play Candles are incredible for very intimate, sensual experience that you and your partner will never forget. (Read guide)
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Bathmate Hydromax is the safest and most effective male enhancement product I’ve ever used to increase my length and girth. Read more here.
Relationship Subliminal for self-hypnotism will help you change your unconscious behavior, gain better relationships, and attract like-minded people and partners.
DOM SUB 101 (Lite) is an affordable alternative to the ever-growing DOM SUB 101. This is for curious kinksters who are on a budget.
Inner Shadow Work is my main website that goes over psychology, spirituality, emotional maturity, consciousness, etc. If you’re interested, click here.
