In this post, we briefly go over tips on how to be a good Dom.
How to Be a Good Dominant
When we try to figure out what makes a good dominant, we can easily fall into stereotypes and cliches.
The dominant is commonly portrayed as a wealthy and successful businessman; a specific dominant archetype that has been found in literature and cinema for a long time.
However, in real-world, a Dominant isn’t one-size-fits-all. There are different types of Dominants and different ways people prefer to express dominance or be dominated.
A “Master” in the art of pushing the limits
To dominate someone is to affect someone or something, usually to the extent of (or beyond) their limits.
In the context of BDSM and a power exchange relationship, dominance can include supporting, protecting, guiding, and so on.
The goal of a BDSM relationship is to mutually grow into better people, in a way that works best for you and your partner(s).
In terms of psychology, this can be a path to individuation; the human drive to reach their potential, or “become whole”. Of course, this depends uniquely upon each individual and if they are “called” to it.
These relationships help those involved reach certain fulfillments that they probably wouldn’t get in regular vanilla relationships.
This is why it’s important that a Dominant asks themselves regularly if they are a benefit to their submissive’s life. And if not, to let their submissive go (even if it’s temporarily).
This is because the Dominant is usually in charge of keeping things running smoothly. And it is he/she who must ensure their partner’s physical and psychological safety while maintaining his own.
Neither a question of sex, nor a question of strength
Physical strength has little to do with dominance in the world of BDSM. Instead, power and dominance are something that must be consented to.
This is why a small woman who is a Dominatrix, for example, can have a lot of power over physically stronger men.
Keep in mind that domination can be physically sensual or even intellectual. It all depends on the Dominant’s abilities and his partner’s preferences.
Dominance also has little to do with wealth. Although money allows you to purchase nice things, financial dependency can create a real imbalance in a relationship.
Although, charisma is a great quality for a good Dominant to have. It is the submissive’s consent to let go and surrender that allows the Dominant to impose themselves onto their submissive.
Suggestions on how to be a good Dom
- Make sure your instructions are clear and precise: In this type of relationship, communication is crucial. Make sure you speak loudly and clearly enough.
- Take care of your appearance: A Dominant is someone who takes great care of themselves and can extend this to their partner(s). Dressing well signals that you are capable of self-care.
- Being sexy is a corollary to the preceding point. You have the ability to be seductive. Do not deny yourself or your partner(s) this pleasure.
- There’s a lot to try if you’re creative. Change up your kinky interests! Learn more BDSM skills to keep your submissive excited.
- Pay attention to the following: From the beginning of the session to the end, keep your attention on your partner. Be mindful.
- Maintain control: It is the Dominant’s responsibility to maintain control of the situation. He must maintain control over himself during the session, as well as his submissive.
- Recognize the dangers: Always keep in mind that BDSM is inherently risky.
- Take classes, watch tutorials, and take workshops to learn and become more skilled.
- Take pleasure in what you do.
Dominance isn’t a one-dimensional concept. There isn’t a single Dominant archetype, either. If you don’t fit into the “Christian Gray” category, don’t worry. Also, if you’re not a “natural born dominant,” don’t be concerned.
Within every masochist, there is a sadist.
And within every submissive is a Dominant.
We have the entire spectrum of these qualities within us already.
All it takes to gain more access to these qualities is integration. Or in other words, slowly adopting these behaviors into your personality and giving them enough space to fit into your life.
Here are some resources I recommend:
DOM SUB 101 teaches you essential basic and advanced BDSM concepts, such as DomSpeak, power exchange, finding a partner, poly jealousy, primal play, contracts, worksheets and so on.
Submissive Journal: 365 Daily Journal Prompts will help you develop your emotional awareness, build your kinky relationships, as well as explore your submissive self-image and sensual desires.
Danger & Play BDSM Package includes handcuffs, mouth gag, kink paddle, collar and leash, nipple clamps, blindfold, shibari rope, and much more.
Classic Black Flogger is an incredibly versatile 5-star, impact play toy for both beginners and seasoned players.
Discreet Remote Control Vibrator 3 is the funnest toy to have your partner wear for getting them hot and bothered anytime and anywhere. (Read review)
Rose 2-in-1 Vibrator is easily one of the most pleasurable experiences she’s looking to have. (Read reviews)
Low Temp Wax Play Candles are incredible for very intimate, sensual experience that you and your partner will never forget. (Read guide)
The links above are NOT affiliate links. The product links are the exact same products I happily own from trusted vendor Sinful Goods.
Bathmate Hydromax is the safest and most effective male enhancement product I’ve ever used to increase my length and girth. Read more here.
Relationship Subliminal for self-hypnotism will help you change your unconscious behavior, gain better relationships, and attract like-minded people and partners.
DOM SUB 101 (Lite) is an affordable alternative to the ever-growing DOM SUB 101. This is for curious kinksters who are on a budget.
Inner Shadow Work is my main website that goes over psychology, spirituality, emotional maturity, consciousness, etc. If you’re interested, click here.
