In the BDSM community, a collaring ceremony is celebration of a very high-level, lifestyle commitment between an s-type and a D-type.
This is unlike most wearers who adorn a collar merely for aesthetic reasons, putting their subby-ness on display, or for the purposes of a scene.
Self-Collaring is a symbolic gesture where somebody is making a high-level commitment to oneself.
You usually see this after an s-type has left a long-term D/s relationship.
My Psycho-Spiritual View of Self-Collaring
My own explanation for self-collaring would be, for example, a submissive woman who is choosing to build a relationship with their inner Dominant.
This is no different than getting hired for a job and building your skills and knowledge in that arena.
Or becoming a parent and learning to act as one for your child.
Psychologically speaking—
Let’s say you set a goal or pick up a set of responsibilities.
You now need to act like the type of person who achieves those goals/responsibilities.
Every time you work on those obligations, you are automatically “putting on a mask”.
You may even build a deep relationship with some masks; forming your identity.
Example: You need to summon up your idea of a pet owner, which would be your “inner pet owner”, to act upon your responsibility.
You put your faith into these developing “sub-personalities” or “masks” and worship them by performing rituals—aka, the work it takes to fulfill your commitment.
Self-Collaring would be a way of committing to building that relationship with that inner Dominant.
Essentially, a submissive that is self-collaring is going to get in touch with traits, aspects, and responsibilities that they would expect out of a Dominant.
This is why the submissive is typically recently out of a long-term D/s relationship. They are trying to take back the parts of their “inner Dominant” that they projected onto their past partner.
- An inner subpersonality is a mind-made construct made up of expectations
- A “mask” is the physical manifestation of the given inner subpersonality
This is a very similar phenomena where recent divorced women exclaim that they will never get married again—since they “lost themselves” in the process of acquiring marriage—
They inflated their “inner wife” to the point that they mistook the wife mask for who they are. Causing them to not like who they were when they were married, thus they don’t want to get married again.
You are not your mind/ego/masks. You are the thing perceiving the mind. The world you perceive is viewed through the lens of these many, many masks you befriend across the span of your life.
When you don’t know who you are (the Self) and you don’t know how to protect your Self, you will trick yourself into thinking that you are your mind.
It’s the rude awakening that comes with “losing yourself” to someone (especially after a betrayal), that you realize that you aren’t sure who you are anymore or what you’ve been doing with yourself.
The healthy, natural instinct is to find, recapture, and develop your individuality, who you really are, and to put it first (”I don’t need a man, I can take care of myself”).
Self-Collaring is getting back in touch with the parts you extended outside of yourself for others to take responsibility for.
*Check out Inner Work for the Divine Feminine if you’re looking to become a more whole individual.
A Light Among Shadows is a guide to self-love and being that helps you overcome negative self-talk, instill genuine self-acceptance, and overcome self-hate and resentment by making sense of people’s level of consciousness and your spirituality.
Here are some resources I recommend:
DOM SUB 101 teaches you essential basic and advanced BDSM concepts, such as DomSpeak, power exchange, finding a partner, poly jealousy, primal play, contracts, worksheets and so on.
Submissive Journal: 365 Daily Journal Prompts will help you develop your emotional awareness, build your kinky relationships, as well as explore your submissive self-image and sensual desires.
Danger & Play BDSM Package includes handcuffs, mouth gag, kink paddle, collar and leash, nipple clamps, blindfold, shibari rope, and much more.
Classic Black Flogger is an incredibly versatile 5-star, impact play toy for both beginners and seasoned players.
Discreet Remote Control Vibrator 3 is the funnest toy to have your partner wear for getting them hot and bothered anytime and anywhere. (Read review)
Rose 2-in-1 Vibrator is easily one of the most pleasurable experiences she’s looking to have. (Read reviews)
Low Temp Wax Play Candles are incredible for very intimate, sensual experience that you and your partner will never forget. (Read guide)
The links above are NOT affiliate links. The product links are the exact same products I happily own from trusted vendor Sinful Goods.
Bathmate Hydromax is the safest and most effective male enhancement product I’ve ever used to increase my length and girth. Read more here.
Relationship Subliminal for self-hypnotism will help you change your unconscious behavior, gain better relationships, and attract like-minded people and partners.
DOM SUB 101 (Lite) is an affordable alternative to the ever-growing DOM SUB 101. This is for curious kinksters who are on a budget.
Inner Shadow Work is my main website that goes over psychology, spirituality, emotional maturity, consciousness, etc. If you’re interested, click here.
