Here we will discuss how to actually take care of your Dominant and help them feel respected and loved as a person (not some tool).
While many submissives think that the services and physicality are all the Dominant needs, there’s also the reality that your Dominant doesn’t feel so connected or even seen.
An example of this is a submissive who truly enjoys being submissive to somebody—they may serve their Dominant for their own needs, not because they actually care about their partner.
You can see where things aren’t exactly black-and-white here. But put it this way, if you were to put things in the context of Love Languages, what are the chances that both you and your partner express AND receive love via acts of service?
If you enjoy performing acts of service but it’s not your partner’s highest love language, then who is getting the most out of it?
You are definitely someone who should be appreciated for giving them your service, however, this is similar to how you can’t buy love. Both benefit, but the emotional landscape isn’t even on both sides.
How Immature Submissives Lose Their Dominant
A fake submissive will freely offer themselves to a Dominant as a way to avoid thinking and communicating their own desires. Instead, these “subs” give their discomfort for introspection work to the Dominant, leaving that partner dealing with the negative emotions and confusion that only the immature, fake submissive can truly address.
An example of this is being hungry, telling someone else to choose what to eat, then getting irrationally upset when the suggestions are not enticing to you. If this is you, understand that you aren’t rational and you should get help.
These immature people believe in fantasies like:
- “if they wanted to, they would”
- “if you loved me, you’d know”
This delusional thinking is likely formed by romance media, porn, and sexist content.
For example, if you take advice from content creators who still think in terms of “women do this” and “men do that”, understand that those belief systems come from not outgrowing a phase of life that would normally be over and done with by some time in your twenties.
Ignore sexist content and understand that people have personalities. Some people have bigger personalities and others have smaller personalities. Some people are shallow, some are deep. This isn’t a gender or sex thing—this is a personality thing.
It’s not that men are terrible or that women are terrible.
It’s that particular individuals are terrible, and only some of them know it.
I mean, when do YOU think someone should outgrow the “choosing where to eat and get mad” scenario.
Until people understand this, their relationships will always crumble and they will point the finger anywhere but inward.
Thankfully, you know better…
Why Dominant’s Needs Are Ignored
The natural assumption is that “getting to be the Dom” is enough to meet their Dominant’s needs.
And this works!…if you believe they are one-dimensional and have no needs or feelings.
The immature submissive will believe that being Dominant alone should be enough.
WRONG.
That’s like thinking your romantic partner should be happy with you since you aren’t cheating. Meanwhile, you do nothing else to make them happier or feel loved or respected.
Just because you risk your body and mind to someone doesn’t mean they are happy—
To give you a bigger perspective, you’ve entrusted someone with the responsibility over your own well-being… and that should make them happy?
Are you also engaging in the play that they want or only what you want?
Imagine being told you should be happy for having a difficult job for minimum pay.
Understand that boundaries, preferences, safe words, limits, and so on, aren’t just for submissives, but they are for Dominants too.
How To Connect With Your Dominant
It’s important to build a foundation of trust and connection with your Dominant.
Some people only get together specifically for D/s kink. Understand that this isn’t a sustainable relationships because these dynamics demand a certain level of emotional and mental investment—especially because we are trusting this other person with our mind and body.
Here are some questions to consider:
- Do you know their interests and hobbies; are you involved?
- Are both of you sharing emotionally intimate conversations?
- Are you asking post-scene questions to see how it went for your Dominant?
- Does your playtime heavily revolve around scenes you want? What about what your Dominant wants?
- What are their limits, preferences, boundaries, triggers, etc.?
How To Make Your Dominant Feel Seen & Respected
Be direct about your needs and wants. This helps humanizes your Dominant by removing any stress that they may incur from the pressures of being an “all-knowing” D-type who is expected to read minds. You are making the process easier, smoother, and an overall more positive experience. Direct compliments are also very nice. Taking out the guesswork helps your Dominant feel more connected and respected.
Be vulnerable and make an effort. People don’t put effort into anything they don’t have faith will work out. So negligence in action is negligence in spirit. If you can’t make an effort to invest in your Dominant, then they won’t feel seen or appreciated (as is any relationship). Being vulnerable can also evoke and build emotional investment between you two. By trusting them they will learn to trust you.
Slave Training is everything you learn about how to conduct yourself to your Dominant. This includes:
- Services
- Manners
- Experience/Skills
- Your Dominant’s Preferences
- Rules for the Dynamic
- Punishment / Reward
As you learn these over time, you will be able to perform each of these without instruction. This is what training is.
Your training is specific to your individual D-type. This means that some Dominants will take your training more seriously and make sure you learn proper protocol both in and outside of the home.
All of your changes in terms of behavior (ritual/routine) and attitude is a part of your training with this particular Dominant to make them happy.
The goal of this dynamic is to enhance both yourself and your relationship. This demands that you go through training that will help facilitate that.
Understand that slave training must be consented to and agreed upon. This must be discussed during negotiations or while writing up a contract.
Here are some resources I recommend:
DOM SUB 101 teaches you essential basic and advanced BDSM concepts, such as DomSpeak, power exchange, finding a partner, poly jealousy, primal play, contracts, worksheets and so on.
Submissive Journal: 365 Daily Journal Prompts will help you develop your emotional awareness, build your kinky relationships, as well as explore your submissive self-image and sensual desires.
Danger & Play BDSM Package includes handcuffs, mouth gag, kink paddle, collar and leash, nipple clamps, blindfold, shibari rope, and much more.
Classic Black Flogger is an incredibly versatile 5-star, impact play toy for both beginners and seasoned players.
Discreet Remote Control Vibrator 3 is the funnest toy to have your partner wear for getting them hot and bothered anytime and anywhere. (Read review)
Rose 2-in-1 Vibrator is easily one of the most pleasurable experiences she’s looking to have. (Read reviews)
Low Temp Wax Play Candles are incredible for very intimate, sensual experience that you and your partner will never forget. (Read guide)
The links above are NOT affiliate links. The product links are the exact same products I happily own from trusted vendor Sinful Goods.
Bathmate Hydromax is the safest and most effective male enhancement product I’ve ever used to increase my length and girth. Read more here.
Relationship Subliminal for self-hypnotism will help you change your unconscious behavior, gain better relationships, and attract like-minded people and partners.
DOM SUB 101 (Lite) is an affordable alternative to the ever-growing DOM SUB 101. This is for curious kinksters who are on a budget.
Inner Shadow Work is my main website that goes over psychology, spirituality, emotional maturity, consciousness, etc. If you’re interested, click here.
