The idea of giving someone an orgasm is ideally a selfless act. And when it comes to sexuality, many find that an orgasm is the pinnacle of sex.
Because people are so preoccupied with getting their partner to orgasm, they end up feeling disappointed in themselves when they can’t quite get their partner to finish.
Why Do Partners Pressure Us To Orgasm?
The reason that someone becomes disappointed that they can’t make their partner finish is because they think that the inability to get their partner to orgasm is a reflection of their own self-worth in some way.
This can also be frustrating for the partner who isn’t orgasming because there’s also the uncomfortable pressure to orgasm that may feel unfair if they aren’t able to finish through penetration or oral in the first place.
This can create undue stress to both partners and can sometimes lead to a partner faking orgasms in order to not deal with the emotional burden of having to disappoint a partner with “no, I didn’t finish”.
Understand that if you have a partner who tells you that they “don’t care” whether or not they orgasm during sex, believe them. Not only because some people don’t orgasm through intercourse, but because it also allows you both to enjoy sex for what it is, pressure-free.
Put it this way, many people have sex as if it isn’t enjoyable unless an orgasm happens—that’s silly. The whole process is meant to be enjoyable because the whole process is sex—not just the climax.
By being overbearing about whether your partner has finished or not, you are also revealing that your sex isn’t so selfless. Now you’re dealing with the egoic issue of wanting to be that person who makes them finish—which can be uncomfy and selfish.
Instead, it’s better to talk to each other and seek to give each other the sensations and experiences you both want out of having sex—which may or may not include orgasming.
That being said, make sure you and your partner both understand that an orgasm isn’t the end-all-be-all. The entire experience of sex is meant to be an enjoyable act, meanwhile an orgasm is just icing on the cake.
Here are some extra notes on the pressure to orgasm:
- Just because they don’t orgasm, doesn’t mean the sex wasn’t great
- The pressure to orgasm can be a major turn-off
- People who can’t orgasm during intercourse usually don’t like it when all the focus is on them and trying to get them to finish
- Don’t put the pressure to orgasm on someone who is asexual; they know who they are and you aren’t going to change that (except maybe damage your relationship)
Here are some resources I recommend:
DOM SUB 101 teaches you essential basic and advanced BDSM concepts, such as DomSpeak, power exchange, finding a partner, poly jealousy, primal play, contracts, worksheets and so on.
Submissive Journal: 365 Daily Journal Prompts will help you develop your emotional awareness, build your kinky relationships, as well as explore your submissive self-image and sensual desires.
Danger & Play BDSM Package includes handcuffs, mouth gag, kink paddle, collar and leash, nipple clamps, blindfold, shibari rope, and much more.
Classic Black Flogger is an incredibly versatile 5-star, impact play toy for both beginners and seasoned players.
Discreet Remote Control Vibrator 3 is the funnest toy to have your partner wear for getting them hot and bothered anytime and anywhere. (Read review)
Rose 2-in-1 Vibrator is easily one of the most pleasurable experiences she’s looking to have. (Read reviews)
Low Temp Wax Play Candles are incredible for very intimate, sensual experience that you and your partner will never forget. (Read guide)
The links above are NOT affiliate links. The product links are the exact same products I happily own from trusted vendor Sinful Goods.
Bathmate Hydromax is the safest and most effective male enhancement product I’ve ever used to increase my length and girth. Read more here.
Relationship Subliminal for self-hypnotism will help you change your unconscious behavior, gain better relationships, and attract like-minded people and partners.
DOM SUB 101 (Lite) is an affordable alternative to the ever-growing DOM SUB 101. This is for curious kinksters who are on a budget.
Inner Shadow Work is my main website that goes over psychology, spirituality, emotional maturity, consciousness, etc. If you’re interested, click here.
