Are you looking for how to deal with subdrop?
Well, you’ve come to the right place.
How to Deal with Subdrop
What is subdrop?
Subdrop, or drop, is a term used to describe the negative feelings a bottom can have after experiencing a scene or kinky sex.
If you are a bottom, understand that there is no shame in experiencing subdrop.
You should be able to discuss your subdrop experience with any Dom you have. If they aren’t willing to support you with your subdrop, then strongly consider dropping them.
Any “Dom” that gets upset over you experiencing subdrop shouldn’t be Domming anyone. It’s as natural as being out of breathe after an intense run.
Is Subdrop Real & What Causes Subdrop
Yes, subdrop is very real.
Why does subdrop happen?
Because the endorphin rush you get from playing a scene can get you into a trance-like state, also known as subspace. This means that as long as the rush is going, you may be feeling an out-of-body experience.
However, when the scene ends and the rush stops, you start coming down. The fall from your high to your low can feel like a loss of coordination, exhaustion, etc.
A bottom can also experience subdrop if the scene is stopped abruptly and the Top leaves without any sort of aftercare. This is like if one ice skater threw their partner in the air and decided not to catch ’em—
The bottom is gonna have a nasty crash.
What does subdrop feel like?
Subdrop affects everyone differently and some people experience subdrop more easily than others.
The symptoms of subdrop can differ in severity from person to person. For example, some people feel a minor sense of lousiness while others can experience multiple symptoms at much higher levels.
It’s different for everyone.
Here is a list of Subdrop Symptoms:
- Anxiety
- Feeling weak and tired
- Depressed feelings
- Crying
- Loss of interests/appetite
- Issues Concentrating
- Feeling physically sick
- Overeating
- Feeling Detached from reality
- Feeling cold
- Exhausted physically
- Emotionally drained
- Sugar cravings
- Mental Incoherence
- Feeling shrunken
- Shame (wanting to hide)
- Insecurity (clinginess)
- Wanting affection
- Mood swings
- Increased sensitivity
- Apathy
- Physically achy
This is due to the comedown your body goes through during or after play. The endorphin high you got is crashing down on you.
This can happen within hours after play or even days later.
Although it’s more common for s-types, it’s possible for D-types to experience drops too; “Topdrop”.
How long does sub drop last?
Typically, subdrop lasts about a few hours to a few days.
There are people who can experience subdrop for over a week, but this seems to be very uncommon.
I believe that people who have long subdrop timelines are those with personalities that are more susceptible to negative emotions. And the negative emotions that originated from subdrop happen to linger.
Generally, you will have a much easier time with subdrop with adequate aftercare.
How to Help Subdrop (as a Dominant)
If you are a Dominant, it’s important that you take care of your submissive when they are experiencing subdrop.
Subdrops are a normal and natural response that are also very good bonding opportunities when you take proper care of your sub.
Here are quick tips on how to treat subdrop aftercare:
- Hydrate
- Eat snacks
- Words of affirmation
- Talk through it
- Cuddle and snuggle
- Treat wounds/injuries carefully
- Draw a warm bath for them
Can You Avoid Subdrop?
Aftercare is the period of time after play where you both rest and recover while taking care of each other’s needs. This is one of the greatest ways to prevent subdrop.
If you’re gonna play and get high, you best learn how to get your feet back on the ground—without crashing on your way down.
That’s not to say that you can completely prevent subdrop, because you can’t.
Subdrop isn’t always preventable.
But you can get better at coming down.
How to Prevent Subdrop
Learning how to prevent your subdrop requires building some self-awareness.
So after your scene, if you are dropping, ask yourself:
What did you notice most about this drop?
Are you neglecting to use a safeword when you know you probably should?
Are you satisfied with how you and your partner played?
Did the scene end too abruptly?
Do you need more time to cool down?
Did you explore any new territory this time?
Were there any moments where you didn’t trust your Dominant?
Did your Dominant notice anything different about you at any point?
While you answer these questions, you’ll become more aware of what may have caused the drop to be so harsh. Or discover things that will ease your come down and improve aftercare.
Sometimes you just need to change things up about how you play; change the speed of things, add affection, try something different, avoid a certain thing, and so on.
Subdrop Aftercare
You also want to make sure your aftercare is actually working for you.
Am I getting enough aftercare?
Does the aftercare I get feel like the aftercare I need?
Is my Dominant spending enough time performing aftercare?
Take the time to feel through your subdrop. The way your subdrop feels can give you a sign of the aftercare you may need.
You should also consider subdrop prevention before your scene.
For example, if you know your time is limited then don’t include anything too excessive in your play. There likely won’t be enough time for adequate aftercare.
If you have a high tendency for subdrop, then make it a rule that “if there’s no time for aftercare, there’s no time for a scene.”
If you are a Dominant, then it’s important that you keep an eye on what causes your sub to drop. Learn what to avoid, or at least adjust. Find a way to keep track of this.
In the meantime, if your sub is feeling self-critical for dropping, it helps to convince them that it’s an opportunity to deepen your bond with them.
Self-Soothing: How to Handle Subdrop by Yourself
Although aftercare is typical to help manage subdrop, you should also know how to deal with subdrop by yourself.
Self-care, or self-soothing, is what you can do for yourself when your Top isn’t available to give you aftercare.
Do your best to reach out to your Dom. Getting kind words and reassurance from your Dom can help.
Treat yourself like you are your own best friend. Try your best to be self-forgiving and self-accepting when you’re feeling vulnerable. Understand that you are worth soothing.
For example, if my sub is feeling subdrop while she’s at her place, I’ll tell her to call me on Facetime and have her use the self-care kit I have prepared for her. Which is essentially skincare products and some candy, because I know that what she likes.
If I’m not busy, I’ll talk to her while we Facetime and she does her routine. Which is usually a lot of bratty poutiness about how “off” she feels. I give her a lot of words of affirmation along with some orders that I believe will help her to feel better.
You should always feel free to communicate what you’re going through to your Top, sometimes you’ll need to manage your subdrop yourself.
Here is a list of tips to help deal with subdrop with self-care.
Try out the following if you are feeling sad, depressed, or lonely:
- Wrap yourself in a blanket
- Watch your favorite programs
- Eat a special snack
- Write in your sub journal
- Cuddle a plush or pet
- Spend time with close friend
If you feel like you are disassociating from reality then find a way to keep yourself grounded. You can do this by tasting spicy foods or eating cold foods. You can also try putting a hairband on your wrist, pulling it, and letting it snap at your skin to get some sensation going.
Try out the following if you are feeling frustrated or angry:
- Scream into a pillow
- Punch something soft
- Listen to cathartic music
- Have an intense workout
- Any safe, physical activity
If you are feeling very anxious, then take deep breathes, give yourself permission to “let any chips fall where they may”, speak aloud as if you’re trying to soothe the part of you that is feeling anxious, go somewhere to relax as much as possible.
Understand that there is no shame in subdropping. Don’t criticize yourself over this. It’s really a biological thing—the same way you aren’t in control of your breathing most of the time.
Always allow yourself to address your subdrop with your Dominant.
Subdrop Aftercare Kit
Coming Soon.
Here are some resources I recommend:
DOM SUB 101 teaches you essential basic and advanced BDSM concepts, such as DomSpeak, power exchange, finding a partner, poly jealousy, primal play, contracts, worksheets and so on.
Submissive Journal: 365 Daily Journal Prompts will help you develop your emotional awareness, build your kinky relationships, as well as explore your submissive self-image and sensual desires.
Danger & Play BDSM Package includes handcuffs, mouth gag, kink paddle, collar and leash, nipple clamps, blindfold, shibari rope, and much more.
Classic Black Flogger is an incredibly versatile 5-star, impact play toy for both beginners and seasoned players.
Discreet Remote Control Vibrator 3 is the funnest toy to have your partner wear for getting them hot and bothered anytime and anywhere. (Read review)
Rose 2-in-1 Vibrator is easily one of the most pleasurable experiences she’s looking to have. (Read reviews)
Low Temp Wax Play Candles are incredible for very intimate, sensual experience that you and your partner will never forget. (Read guide)
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Bathmate Hydromax is the safest and most effective male enhancement product I’ve ever used to increase my length and girth. Read more here.
Relationship Subliminal for self-hypnotism will help you change your unconscious behavior, gain better relationships, and attract like-minded people and partners.
DOM SUB 101 (Lite) is an affordable alternative to the ever-growing DOM SUB 101. This is for curious kinksters who are on a budget.
Inner Shadow Work is my main website that goes over psychology, spirituality, emotional maturity, consciousness, etc. If you’re interested, click here.
