There are many ways you can define a sadist, or even masochist, depending on context. So for the sake of simplicity—you can describe a sadist here as “a person who enjoys affecting another person”.
In this post, we specifically explore emotional sadism, which would be “the act of affecting another person emotionally and getting satisfaction and/or arousal from it”.
What Emotional Sadists Enjoy
An emotional sadist is someone who enjoys affecting and prodding on the mental and emotional state of another person.
This isn’t limited to making someone feel emotional pain, although most of the time it is.
Emotional sadists can also get enjoyment out of manipulating and deceiving someone, which you can see as smiles on their faces known as “dupers delight”.
Another approach is seeing their partner improve in mood, as opposed to a drop in mood; praise kink vs humiliation.
Personally, I’m not one to enjoy inflicting pain on others in any case. However, I can’t help but get turned on when a woman is crying. Emotionally, I’m still present and sympathizing. But my biology, my body, finds it arousing—I don’t know why.
But people in real life who yearn for control over others, tend to be the ones most receptive to feeling pleasure through someone else’s pain. This yearning can be conscious or unconscious (because we all have it, but the awareness and attachment is what varies).
Admitting Your Inner Sadist
You can’t create without also destroying.
There is a sadist in every masochist, and vice versa.
The fact that I create content is because I have a desire to affect others.
The same way you consume content, because you have a desire to be affected.
The amount of enjoyment we get from these things are usually based on how much “validation juice” or “supply” we get from these things.
If you feel you are more in touch with your inner sadist, this is because you feel more validation when you invalidate others.
People who are more in touch with their inner masochist will feel more validation when others invalidate them.
All of this is an unconscious game we play with each other in just about any social interaction.
Usually because we are judging people’s worth and our own, based on “shoulds” and “should nots”, which is all made up—but that’s beyond the scope of this discussion.
Once you can admit that unconsciously, all human beings have a capacity and desire to destroy and be destroyed—it gets easier to be a sadist in consensual play without feeling guilty.
Difference between sadism and dominance
Dominants like having control, power, and authority.
This can overlap with sadism, but not always.
For example, a soft Dom is someone who likes providing guidance, without much desire for inflicting pain.
Examples of emotional sadism activities
- Objectification; dollification
- Degradation/Humiliation
- Crying Fetish Play
- Sexual Denial
- Sissification
- Fear Play
Emotionally Sadistic Scenes Examples
Making your partner wear clothing that is too tight. Add onto the idea that the clothes consist of women’s underwear, a dress, and so on. Meanwhile, your partner is a man.
Give your partner an impossible task. This means being very critical of your partner for the smallest thing and moving the goalpost. Or you can weaponize their incompetence, tasking them to do something you know they can’t, or hiding what they need to complete the given task.
Ignore your partner if they are needy. This means punishing them by restricting them in a way where you can deprive them of your attention.
Rules to Emotional Sadism
The safest approach is to negotiate what is allowed, and assume anything not mentioned is off-the-table.
This includes talking about:
- Limits
- Safewords
- Triggers
- Abuse vs BDSM
- Aftercare
Here are some more posts to check out:
Do not engage in emotional sadism if you feel that you or your partner genuinely want to hurt the other out of some sort of mental illness, resentment, hatred, etc.
Here are some resources I recommend:
DOM SUB 101 teaches you essential basic and advanced BDSM concepts, such as DomSpeak, power exchange, finding a partner, poly jealousy, primal play, contracts, worksheets and so on.
Submissive Journal: 365 Daily Journal Prompts will help you develop your emotional awareness, build your kinky relationships, as well as explore your submissive self-image and sensual desires.
Danger & Play BDSM Package includes handcuffs, mouth gag, kink paddle, collar and leash, nipple clamps, blindfold, shibari rope, and much more.
Classic Black Flogger is an incredibly versatile 5-star, impact play toy for both beginners and seasoned players.
Discreet Remote Control Vibrator 3 is the funnest toy to have your partner wear for getting them hot and bothered anytime and anywhere. (Read review)
Rose 2-in-1 Vibrator is easily one of the most pleasurable experiences she’s looking to have. (Read reviews)
Low Temp Wax Play Candles are incredible for very intimate, sensual experience that you and your partner will never forget. (Read guide)
The links above are NOT affiliate links. The product links are the exact same products I happily own from trusted vendor Sinful Goods.
Bathmate Hydromax is the safest and most effective male enhancement product I’ve ever used to increase my length and girth. Read more here.
Relationship Subliminal for self-hypnotism will help you change your unconscious behavior, gain better relationships, and attract like-minded people and partners.
DOM SUB 101 (Lite) is an affordable alternative to the ever-growing DOM SUB 101. This is for curious kinksters who are on a budget.
Inner Shadow Work is my main website that goes over psychology, spirituality, emotional maturity, consciousness, etc. If you’re interested, click here.
