This article is a submissive Guide to Surrender & Submission.
Based on the notes taken from the workshop titled Surrender Theory vs Practice by former prodomme of five years and Ms. Sanctuary Leather 2018.
Submissive Guide to Surrender & Submission
Surrender, Submission, Service are commonly confused with each other all the time.
The most common myths about submission are:
- People who submit are weak
- “Submission is a gift” that you give to your Dominant
Submission is NOT a gift. Service is a gift.
A sub can take care of their Dom’s home and tie their shoes. But without reciprocation, why would they do this?
If you believe submission is a gift, then what do you get back? Not for your service, but for the submission of self?
Submission is to yield to a force. Surrender means to submit without resistance.
A sub who hasn’t gotten comfortable with surrendering may wear their displeasure on their face when told to do something.
Understand that it’s not until you surrender that you become a slave.
The strongest s-types are the ones who surrender. Surrender takes a lot of strength, willpower, and tears.
A quick note on submissives whose Love Language is service.
Many Dominants have the Love Language of service too. They want to help, support, and guide you. In doing so, they show their love.
Submissive’s Guide to Surrender & Submission
“All of my women will be queens. Just because they are queens and goddesses doesn’t mean they can’t serve. The leader serves the relationship while their queen serves their leading Sir.”
A Dominant makes decisions for the relationship to move forward. And whenever he is figuring out the next move, she will aid him in the meantime.
If your Dominant told you to quit your job, would you?
Some submissives have a hard time with this because they are looking for relationships that make them feel safe. With adequate affection and desire.
An s-type has a gift to give to someone who knows how to make use of it.
Making that person is a lot harder to finding someone who knows how to make use of it.
The other half of submission and surrender — is dominance.
Letting go of control is not easy when you’re used to having it. And submission doesn’t require you to give up your everything. Only to yield.
Maybe you’re giving of your bank account, your free time, your person. The idea is that you’re not in control.
But understand there is a spectrum to this. From being too freely submissive with anyone to being resistant in your submission to full-on surrendering yourself.
The overly eager desire to service leads to “sub frenzy”. Getting involved with so much play and subspace, that they neglect to take care of themselves. They want to do ALL things subby; doing all the things the Top wants to do.
People commonly believe that submissives only do what they want. Which is a pretty wide generalization. Although it is true that many submissives only want to do what makes their Dominant happy—
Ask yourself, are you yielding to an authoritative force, or simply not fighting it?
Are you yielding or surrendering?
Surrender is not easy because you need to be emotionally mature.
To submit and yield, you just have to decide not to fight anymore.
To surrender, you need to understand yourself and your Dominant. Not just their needs but also their faults. And how to manage all this to serve best.
An emotionally mature submissive can see the bigger picture.
Recommended Reading: https://www.amazon.com/Love-Obey-Serve-Diary-Guard/dp/0964596024
-Submissive Guide: Frequently Asked Questions-
What is service? An act that you do for someone else that’s thought of as free. The definition of service is determined by the Dominant. He may want something specific and done a certain way. If the service is a benefit to you as well, then it may not count as an act of service to your Dom. More often the acts of service your Dom acknowledges are tasks that have nothing to do with the sub, outside of them completing it.
What is submission? To yield to a force, which implies resistance. Having resistance doesn’t mean you’re a bad sub. It just means you have a ways to go.
What is surrender? To cease fighting and submit to the authority.
Submissive Guide Questions for Dealing with Emotions
What if you’re very angry? Speak in third-person so you don’t accidentally hurt your Dominant’s feelings. “Master, this slave feels like this wasn’t okay…”
Remind yourself that it was your choice to become property to this person.
How to deal with jealousy in a polyamorous relationship? If you’re accustomed to a polyamorous relationship, you may not be as likely to get directly jealous of another partner. But you may get jealous of what a partner is receiving that you have asked for.
Note: If you never communicated a want with your master, then you don’t have the right to be mad when you see you are not receiving it.
How do you manage your emotional bandwidth? A mother’s strength can make her lift a vehicle to save a child. A slave’s strength can make her run around for a week on only three hours of sleep.
Submissive Guide Questions for Self-Preservation
Why do people choose to be slaves? Many slaves choose to be slaves because they know they need a leash. Not just because they want to surrender. But because they know they are best managed under a dynamic.
How to filter yourself for the dynamic? Here are a few points to consider:
- A collar can serve as a reminder to filter yourself and surrender.
- A deed reminds you of the decision you have chosen.
- Every conversation starts with “Yes sir. [Your thoughts]”.
- Dominants get more leeway in expressing their opinions as opposed to submissives.
- Punishments help rebalance a relationship when the submissive challenges the dynamic.
- You are responsible for yourself if your Dominant fails their task. This requires self-control. A collar can be a reminder of this.
- You belong to your Sir. So you don’t have to submit to anyone else. The safe thing to say is “I can’t, my sir won’t let me”.
The #1 Rule to Being Property is to Protect the Property. If you are not protecting yourself then you aren’t doing this correctly. When you see yourself as an asset, your own protection is essential to what depends on you.
A good Master is willing to let a sub go when they know they aren’t good for you. If a Dom sees your life is falling apart, he must be willing to order you to take care of your own house before he can accept you into his dynamic in good spirit.
Here are some resources I recommend:
DOM SUB 101 teaches you essential basic and advanced BDSM concepts, such as DomSpeak, power exchange, finding a partner, poly jealousy, primal play, contracts, worksheets and so on.
Submissive Journal: 365 Daily Journal Prompts will help you develop your emotional awareness, build your kinky relationships, as well as explore your submissive self-image and sensual desires.
Danger & Play BDSM Package includes handcuffs, mouth gag, kink paddle, collar and leash, nipple clamps, blindfold, shibari rope, and much more.
Classic Black Flogger is an incredibly versatile 5-star, impact play toy for both beginners and seasoned players.
Discreet Remote Control Vibrator 3 is the funnest toy to have your partner wear for getting them hot and bothered anytime and anywhere. (Read review)
Rose 2-in-1 Vibrator is easily one of the most pleasurable experiences she’s looking to have. (Read reviews)
Low Temp Wax Play Candles are incredible for very intimate, sensual experience that you and your partner will never forget. (Read guide)
The links above are NOT affiliate links. The product links are the exact same products I happily own from trusted vendor Sinful Goods.
Bathmate Hydromax is the safest and most effective male enhancement product I’ve ever used to increase my length and girth. Read more here.
Relationship Subliminal for self-hypnotism will help you change your unconscious behavior, gain better relationships, and attract like-minded people and partners.
DOM SUB 101 (Lite) is an affordable alternative to the ever-growing DOM SUB 101. This is for curious kinksters who are on a budget.
Inner Shadow Work is my main website that goes over psychology, spirituality, emotional maturity, consciousness, etc. If you’re interested, click here.
