The general public doesn’t always get that “BDSM” means “bondage and discipline, dominance and submission, sadism and masochism“.
Sound consent is the most important part of BDSM and the most important thing that sets it apart from abuse.
Difference Between BDSM & Abuse
One could wonder where the line between an abusive relationship and a BDSM relationship is drawn, since both involve what we could call “abuse” in mental and physical forms (hitting, tying, insulting, belittling, or controlling another person. ).
1 – Consent differentiates BDSM from abuse
As we said before, the main difference is whether or not everyone agrees and consents to what is (or will be) happening.
In a healthy BDSM relationship, partners talk openly about what they want.
Consent is the linchpin of all BDSM activities and is one of the main factors that differentiate it from abuse. Put simply, BDSM is consensual. Abuse is not.
2 – Create a script and rules
Before each BDSM “scene”, participants express and negotiate their tastes, desires, and limits, which means that everyone involved in the agreed act sets specific goals that determine what they want from the scene or play session, both emotionally and physically.
They also discuss what are referred to as “hard and soft limits”. You should never perform what your partner considers hard limits.
While soft limits are things you could experience if and when the time seems right. This requires deeper negotiation before starting a session.
3 – Communication is the key
Clear communication is imperative for practicing healthy BDSM.
Safewords are a standard form of security in this type of game and an important element that differentiates BDSM from abuse.
A safeword is a word or phrase that signals that one of the players either wishes to take a break or stop completely.
An example of a safeword would be “red”, “banana” or anything else that is not normally used during sex or in the context of a scene.
Also, if a submissive is gagged or the Dominant’s hearing is impaired, safe signals can be used instead.
This could be a gesture or something the Submissive holds in hand that signals a desire to pause the scene.
Here are some resources I recommend:
DOM SUB 101 teaches you essential basic and advanced BDSM concepts, such as DomSpeak, power exchange, finding a partner, poly jealousy, primal play, contracts, worksheets and so on.
Submissive Journal: 365 Daily Journal Prompts will help you develop your emotional awareness, build your kinky relationships, as well as explore your submissive self-image and sensual desires.
Danger & Play BDSM Package includes handcuffs, mouth gag, kink paddle, collar and leash, nipple clamps, blindfold, shibari rope, and much more.
Classic Black Flogger is an incredibly versatile 5-star, impact play toy for both beginners and seasoned players.
Discreet Remote Control Vibrator 3 is the funnest toy to have your partner wear for getting them hot and bothered anytime and anywhere. (Read review)
Rose 2-in-1 Vibrator is easily one of the most pleasurable experiences she’s looking to have. (Read reviews)
Low Temp Wax Play Candles are incredible for very intimate, sensual experience that you and your partner will never forget. (Read guide)
The links above are NOT affiliate links. The product links are the exact same products I happily own from trusted vendor Sinful Goods.
Bathmate Hydromax is the safest and most effective male enhancement product I’ve ever used to increase my length and girth. Read more here.
Relationship Subliminal for self-hypnotism will help you change your unconscious behavior, gain better relationships, and attract like-minded people and partners.
DOM SUB 101 (Lite) is an affordable alternative to the ever-growing DOM SUB 101. This is for curious kinksters who are on a budget.
Inner Shadow Work is my main website that goes over psychology, spirituality, emotional maturity, consciousness, etc. If you’re interested, click here.
