In this post, we go over the difference between fake and real Dominants.
You can read more about Dominants here:
- What is a Dom/sub Relationship?
- How to Spot a Fake Dom
- Questions for Vetting a Potential Dominant
- What is a Soft Dom?
Difference Between Fake And Real Dominants
The decision of which Dominant you wish to serve should not be taken lightly. Because putting oneself in a position where they are mentally and physically exposed to the wrong person can have disastrous consequences.
A genuine Dominant can produce a supportive relationship that will enable a submissive to feel safe enough to be their true self, thereby allowing for more intense experiences. This will allow the genuine Dominant to exert more control over the submissive.
It does not take a submissive very much time to discover, after searching for a Dominant or sorting through a large number of horny email requests, that only a small percentage of the many people who claim to be dominant are actually Dominant.
Depending on who you ask or what survey has been conducted, the ratio of real Dominants to submissives can range anywhere from one real Dominant for every ten, to one real Dominant for every thousand submissives.
The numbers can also change based on gender, orientation, and individual interests in BDSM.
As a result of this, it is likely that during your search you will come across more impostors than genuine Dominants.
Before you become discouraged and give up, here are some distinctions to keep an eye out for when you have just met someone who claims to be Dominant to help you differentiate between those who are just pretending to be Dominant and those who are the real deal.
BDSM calls for a lot of trust and openness. If you don’t live this way with someone you’re already committed to, you might be looking for a Dominant partner. Unfortunately, not every Dom is the same.
Some people (usually men, but not always) say they are Doms, but they don’t follow the practices of consent, trust, and boundaries that make BDSM safe and enjoyable for practitioners.
Here’s how to tell the difference between real and fake dominants, so you can spot a fake from a mile away.
Real dominants
A real dom cares just as much about safety in BDSM as about rough sex and control games. Before any clothes come off, they’ll be happy to talk to you about consent, boundaries, safe words, what’s going to happen in a scene, and your worries.
Real dominant partners are supportive, respectful, and patient. They know that submissives give up power and control at the risk of their emotional and physical health, so they will work with you to set appropriate boundaries and earn trust. They are sure of themselves, but not pushy or rude.
Fake dominants
Most fake dominants are interested in BDSM because they have a skewed idea of what it is.
A fake dom is, in a word, entitled.
They got the idea from porn or hearing other people talk about it.
They might not feel like they have to talk about limits and get permission ahead of time.
They might think that any submissive is interested in them immediately and demand respect and obedience before they’ve done anything to deserve it.
You might see them overcompensating as dominant partners and in their everyday lives. This signifies that they are not coming from a place of respectful confidence.
You might notice that a fake dom is too sexually aggressive when you’re in a BDSM relationship with them or trying to talk to them about it.
They might also be aggressive in other ways, like putting you down or making you feel bad without your permission.
They might think that BDSM is only about sex and that a submissive partner’s job is to shut up and give sex whenever the dominant partner wants.
Polyamory is another thing that could be a sign of trouble. There are plenty of healthy, supportive BDSM polyamorous relationships. Still, if your potential dom seems to only want it so they can have multiple subs and not build a caring relationship with each partner, that’s a red flag.
In short, to spot fake dominants, use your common sense and trust your gut.
You should avoid anyone who seems more interested in the sex, money, or maid services you can offer (and not in a fun way) than in building a healthy relationship with you.
Even in BDSM relationships, trust and love are important. You want to make sure they are trustworthy before they put your gag on.
Here are some resources I recommend:
DOM SUB 101 teaches you essential basic and advanced BDSM concepts, such as DomSpeak, power exchange, finding a partner, poly jealousy, primal play, contracts, worksheets and so on.
Submissive Journal: 365 Daily Journal Prompts will help you develop your emotional awareness, build your kinky relationships, as well as explore your submissive self-image and sensual desires.
Danger & Play BDSM Package includes handcuffs, mouth gag, kink paddle, collar and leash, nipple clamps, blindfold, shibari rope, and much more.
Classic Black Flogger is an incredibly versatile 5-star, impact play toy for both beginners and seasoned players.
Discreet Remote Control Vibrator 3 is the funnest toy to have your partner wear for getting them hot and bothered anytime and anywhere. (Read review)
Rose 2-in-1 Vibrator is easily one of the most pleasurable experiences she’s looking to have. (Read reviews)
Low Temp Wax Play Candles are incredible for very intimate, sensual experience that you and your partner will never forget. (Read guide)
The links above are NOT affiliate links. The product links are the exact same products I happily own from trusted vendor Sinful Goods.
Bathmate Hydromax is the safest and most effective male enhancement product I’ve ever used to increase my length and girth. Read more here.
Relationship Subliminal for self-hypnotism will help you change your unconscious behavior, gain better relationships, and attract like-minded people and partners.
DOM SUB 101 (Lite) is an affordable alternative to the ever-growing DOM SUB 101. This is for curious kinksters who are on a budget.
Inner Shadow Work is my main website that goes over psychology, spirituality, emotional maturity, consciousness, etc. If you’re interested, click here.
