Bratting is where one person likes expressing sassy behavior to get a reaction out of their partner.
These bratting behaviors include:
- Dirty looks
- Mean comments
- Giving attitude
- Rolling eyes
- Being difficult
- Acting sassy
- Breaking rules
Why Do People Like Being Bratty?
Being bratty in terms of play, is a means of testing how secure your relationship is with your partner. If you are allowed to act out without being abandoned for your bratty behavior, this confirms comfort and security in the relationship.
However, keep in mind that the dynamic between brats and brat tamers is a consensual form of play. In the real world, it’s very unhealthy for someone to constantly mistreat and disappoint you—you’re better off leaving to protect your emotional, mental, and spiritual health.
In real life, people who display sh**ty brat behavior are living with the unconscious belief of “I am blameless”. This means that the person willingly causes chaos in your life, then apologizes to you—as a way to validate themselves by invalidating you.
This sadistic behavior “gets off” at you forgiving them after they apologize—the catch is that they intend to give you a hard time the next time they are left feeling bored or overwhelmed.
This is because toxic people can’t process difficult emotions, like shame, internally. Instead they externalize and offload their emotional labor onto you. This way their lack of accountability becomes ‘your’ problem, because you are ‘too sensitive’. The reality is that they lack resilience and are so overwhelmingly sensitive, they can’t even bear their own negative emotions.
If you are dealing with a toxic person you displays the unconscious belief of “I am blameless”. The best course of action is to NOT accept their apology, tell them directly what they did to their face, then walk away and cut that person out of your life.
To them, you’ve gone “off script” and their sudden lack of control over you will make them act out—that’s why you leave them to deal with their sh*t alone.
Go no contact and if you’re lucky, they’ll mature and outgrow their issue in a couple of months minimum (if ever).
But when it comes to kink dynamics that involve bratting, you are essentially giving your partner a sense of unconditional love.
Consensual bratty dynamics can be a healthy way to get in touch with your aggression. Although much of it can be passive aggressive, it can still let out some steam that the brat isn’t comfortable expressing more directly yet.
This likely appeals to you if you never felt safe enough to express anger growing up—which is a very healthy emotion to have. Because genuine anger is vulnerable, raw, loud energy that’s meant to cover up a deep sadness. Fake anger (aka theatrics) is abuse and meant to intimidate and control.
Other reasons why people like bratting includes:
- Getting a reaction out of your partner and having them assert boundaries as evidence that they care about the relationship and are invested in their bratty partner.
- Some like the drama that comes from the scene and the sadomasochism that comes with it; the brat knows they’re getting spanked because they rolled their eyes and poured soda on the floor.
- Other brats may use this as a way to tap into their inner rebel, especially if they have naturally polite personalities—meaning they give higher allowance to let others act out in their personal lives, while suppressing their own selfish expressions.
- It could also simply be fun and a form of childish play and intimacy
What is a Brat Tamer & How To Tame A Brat
A Brat Tamer is the person who engages with the brat. They have a high threshold of patience, which brats find very annoying, but can also feel secure with.
The brat tamer can be physically and mentally correcting towards their brat as a means of guiding them to proper or appropriate behavior.
People who are brat tamers get validation from a stimulating and engaging brat. They like the attention as well as the responsibility that comes with being the Dominant in a bratty dynamic.
Brat tamers also get into these dynamics for the challenge. They enjoy dealing with someone who will attempt to top from the bottom and who inherently demands funishment.
There can also be a bit of friendly, rough-housing that both in the dynamic can enjoy.
Not everyone has the temperament to deal with a brat. Especially if the brat is very difficult—which can lead to the brat tamer feeling demeaned and at a loss of esteem and confidence.
If you’re into brat dynamics, you will likely be interested in the following:
It’s not uncommon to question if the brat actually hates their tamer. When this happens, it’s important for BOTH partners to communicate and clarify.
Yes, the misbehavior is an indirect way of asking for funishment… but yes, sometimes the brat can seem genuinely contemptuous.
If the brat can’t drop the act for a moment to be direct and reassure their tamer, they aren’t actually engaging in BDSM play.
Consent requires a sound mind, and if one of the partners are helplessly confused or unwilling to directly speak words of consent, they are not of sound mind—thus non-consenting.
Setting Rules for Brats
In power exchange relationships where you include a brat and brat tamer dynamic, it helps to set some rules in how you play.
This can include hard rules that are in place for the sake of the dynamic. For example:
You can have your brat partner leave a “signal” in the area to indicate they want to play the brat role. This can mean that they put on a certain necklace, call you a specific name, leave their shoes on the first stair on the staircase, etc.
There can also be soft rules that are made to be broken by the brat. This can include:
- Asking permission before doing [x]
- Cleaning up after themselves
- Addressing you by [X]
Breaking these softer rules are to expected and brats will assume this will lead to funishment.
- Funishment is a fun roleplay “punishment”.
- Punishment is for genuine correction of behavior.
If a soft rule is being broken way too much, consider that the rule is a bad rule and should be replaced or removed. Otherwise, the constant reprimanding can wear the tamer down.
If the brat takes things too far, if they are sincere, you can give them the opportunity to make things right and help set the relationship back on track.
Here are some resources I recommend:
DOM SUB 101 teaches you essential basic and advanced BDSM concepts, such as DomSpeak, power exchange, finding a partner, poly jealousy, primal play, contracts, worksheets and so on.
Submissive Journal: 365 Daily Journal Prompts will help you develop your emotional awareness, build your kinky relationships, as well as explore your submissive self-image and sensual desires.
Danger & Play BDSM Package includes handcuffs, mouth gag, kink paddle, collar and leash, nipple clamps, blindfold, shibari rope, and much more.
Classic Black Flogger is an incredibly versatile 5-star, impact play toy for both beginners and seasoned players.
Discreet Remote Control Vibrator 3 is the funnest toy to have your partner wear for getting them hot and bothered anytime and anywhere. (Read review)
Rose 2-in-1 Vibrator is easily one of the most pleasurable experiences she’s looking to have. (Read reviews)
Low Temp Wax Play Candles are incredible for very intimate, sensual experience that you and your partner will never forget. (Read guide)
The links above are NOT affiliate links. The product links are the exact same products I happily own from trusted vendor Sinful Goods.
Bathmate Hydromax is the safest and most effective male enhancement product I’ve ever used to increase my length and girth. Read more here.
Relationship Subliminal for self-hypnotism will help you change your unconscious behavior, gain better relationships, and attract like-minded people and partners.
DOM SUB 101 (Lite) is an affordable alternative to the ever-growing DOM SUB 101. This is for curious kinksters who are on a budget.
Inner Shadow Work is my main website that goes over psychology, spirituality, emotional maturity, consciousness, etc. If you’re interested, click here.
