in this post, we quickly go over what is a Dom/sub relationship.
What is a Dom/sub Relationship?
In a D/s relationship between two people, there is one person who is the Dominant and one person who is the submissive.
Dom Meaning: A Dom, or Dominant, is a “top” role played by someone who likes taking control. In BDSM, the Dom gets pleasure out of exercising control over another person. This control can be expressed with strictness, kindness, or even cruelty, depending on what’s agreed upon. Their dominance is meant to consensually deliver a satisfying experience/lifestyle for both “top” and “bottom” parties.
Generally, a “top” is someone who delivers an experience, and a “bottom” is someone who receives it.
Sub Meaning: A sub, or submissive, is a “bottom” role played by someone who likes being controlled. In BDSM, the sub gets pleasure by submitting their will over to another person. The submissive role is typically service-oriented towards someone they trust their well-being with. Their submission allows them to consensually surrender themselves to serve and receive an experience from the “top”.
Contrary to popular belief, D/s relationships aren’t just about sex. For a Dominant, it’s about guiding their partner and taking responsibility over some aspects of their life. Meanwhile, a submissive gets fulfillment out of being of service towards their Dominant,
For the relationship to thrive, the expectations and rules must be communicated between partners.
A quality Dom has the following traits:
Self-Control. A Dominant must be able to exercise control on oneself before given control over others. Someone with self-control makes a fine leader who can guide physically, sexually, and behaviorally. Having moral values allows the dominant to correct, punish, and properly train a submissive.
Sensual. BDSM is an art of sensuality. Being a sensual person allows the Dominant to deliver a great experience to their submissive via both pain and pleasure. This includes giving an emotionally sensual experience too.
Self-Aware. A Dominant should be able to match their words with their actions. They know they are capable of making mistakes and have no issue owning up to them. They are comfortable with their sexuality and work to keep their inner lives under control.
Competent. A good Dominant will know their way around their toys. They also make sure you are in safe hands. You will not see a competent Dom be reckless to their submissive. And a Dominant will make sure the lines of communication are open.
Compassion. A Dominant understands that the submissive is surrendering themselves. Which is a great privilege. They must remember that their sub is only human, who is both an individual and worthy of forgiveness.
A quality sub has the following traits:
Attentive. You are devoted to serving your Dom and fulfilling their needs and desires. You also understand that how you present yourself is seen as a representation of your Dom.
Polite. You consent to having your Dominant take the lead. This can include: asking your Dom permission to leave their side, making sure you aren’t too forward with other people, expressing gratitude when your Dom grants you permissions, being very well-behaved in public, etc.
The main difference between the two is dominance and submission.
Dominance is being in control of another person while getting pleasure out of it. This can be expressed with kindness, strictness, or even cruelty, depending on what’s agreed upon. The point is to use dominance to deliver a satisfying experience for both parties.
Submission is allowing yourself to serve and be controlled by another person as a means of pleasure. You must make sure that you trust the person you are submitting yourself to, whether it be for a few hours, a few days, or for long-term.
You can learn more about sado masochistic desires here.
Rules & Tips for Dom/sub Relationships
As previously stated, this is a unique type of relationship in which rules must be established to ensure that everything runs smoothly and that both parties get what they require to live happily together.
There are no hard and fast rules in a relationship where submission and dominance exist because they are created by the principles and desires of both parties.
1. Openness
In such a relationship, honesty is crucial. You should be receptive to your partner’s values and perspectives, particularly when it comes to sincerity and “nakedness.”
Why? Because even if the one issuing the commands is dominant, that doesn’t mean he can’t learn from the submissive in a Dom/sub relationship. It all depends on how much experience both parties have and how eager they are to learn from one another.
2. Sympathy
This may seem strange to some, but just because a submissive partner enjoys obeying does not mean he does not recognize the Dominant’s human side, with whom he occasionally wishes to fall in love. And the one who is on the receiving end of mercy, who wants to break the rules and impose lenient punishments, will always value the partner’s sincerity.
3. Confidence
The only way to gain trust is to demonstrate that you are trustworthy. The Dominant must show his partner that he can be trusted, follows through with his word, and isn’t reckless.
If the Dominant expects the sub to be submissive, he must first demonstrate that he is a worthy leader.
Noone will kneel for someone who isn’t trustworthy and capable.
This is why it is critical to establish trust.
5. Honest communication
In this type of relationship, communication is crucial, so partners should research each other to ensure that they are compatible in a Dom/sub relationship.
In personal conversations, it’s critical to bring up issues like health, sexual needs, and previous experiences with this type of relationship.
For instance, if one of the partners wants to push the boundaries a little further, this should be thoroughly discussed. However, if the partner refuses to discuss his wants and needs, the relationship will almost certainly fail.
6. Using safe words
It’s critical to use safe words when engaging in a scene. It’s best to avoid using words that are commonly used in sexual situations. The word should be unusual enough to elicit an immediate reaction from the dominant.
You can also establish words that indicate whether the partner is fine or that the game must be stopped right away, or he will suffer serious injury.
The traffic light system is widely used. Green means “go,” yellow means “ease up/slow down,” and red means “Stop Immediately!”
7. Health
Both partners must be mentally and physically healthy in a Dom/sub relationship. This includes getting enough rest, getting exercise, eating a healthy diet, and leading a stress-free lifestyle.
Respect each other’s comfort zones and don’t try new things without the other’s permission.
10. Follow the rules
If rules were established at the start of the relationship between partners, they must be followed. You can’t refuse something at the last minute or start something new without first informing your partner.
Relationships must be built on trust, which is reinforced by rules. In any case, you can always discuss everything calmly, make a decision, and reach a mutual agreement.
Check out the Dom sub Guide for Beginners.
Here are some resources I recommend:
DOM SUB 101 teaches you essential basic and advanced BDSM concepts, such as DomSpeak, power exchange, finding a partner, poly jealousy, primal play, contracts, worksheets and so on.
Submissive Journal: 365 Daily Journal Prompts will help you develop your emotional awareness, build your kinky relationships, as well as explore your submissive self-image and sensual desires.
Danger & Play BDSM Package includes handcuffs, mouth gag, kink paddle, collar and leash, nipple clamps, blindfold, shibari rope, and much more.
Classic Black Flogger is an incredibly versatile 5-star, impact play toy for both beginners and seasoned players.
Discreet Remote Control Vibrator 3 is the funnest toy to have your partner wear for getting them hot and bothered anytime and anywhere. (Read review)
Rose 2-in-1 Vibrator is easily one of the most pleasurable experiences she’s looking to have. (Read reviews)
Low Temp Wax Play Candles are incredible for very intimate, sensual experience that you and your partner will never forget. (Read guide)
The links above are NOT affiliate links. The product links are the exact same products I happily own from trusted vendor Sinful Goods.
Bathmate Hydromax is the safest and most effective male enhancement product I’ve ever used to increase my length and girth. Read more here.
Relationship Subliminal for self-hypnotism will help you change your unconscious behavior, gain better relationships, and attract like-minded people and partners.
DOM SUB 101 (Lite) is an affordable alternative to the ever-growing DOM SUB 101. This is for curious kinksters who are on a budget.
Inner Shadow Work is my main website that goes over psychology, spirituality, emotional maturity, consciousness, etc. If you’re interested, click here.
