Are you wondering what is a soft Dom?
A soft Dom is someone who takes a gentler, yet still very firm, approach to Topping someone.
What do Soft Doms like?
Soft Doms like knowing that they can ask or issue a command calmly while knowing it’s enough to make you obey.
A soft Dom who has bratty subs is patient enough to deal with her brattiness. He knows that she’s getting her kicks and that she will ultimately submit. So even her “resistance” is amusing.
A soft Dom likes protecting and taking care of their sub from a place of compassionate Dominance. Because a sub is a precious possession to them.
Soft Dom Things to Say
A soft Dominant often times doesn’t give the most direct commands. Instead, their orders are usually padded with extra words and they are more likely to express appreciation.
“Good girl”
“I’m proud of you”
“I want to…”
“I want you to…”
“Young lady…”
“Who’s my good girl?”
List of Soft Dominant Traits & Characteristics
- Assertive in a non-aggressive way
- Thoughtful about pushing boundaries
- When playing rough, check-ins are consistent
- Pleasure-focused over pain-focused
- Easier to accidentally top from the bottom
- Demeanor tends to be calm and quiet
- Guides with encouragement and affection
- Less aggression and pain play
- Endearing towards submissive
- Doesn’t expect worship
Soft Dom Explained: My Experience
My approach to life is that I don’t seek to control others, nor do I want to be controlled.
I have no need to dominate others, yet I am quick to resent those who attempt to dominate me.
This is due to childhood abuse at the hand of my narcissistic father.
Even though you won’t see me shouting demands at anyone, you will see me be very clear and assertive about what I want.
“Baby, I want you to show me your princess parts.”
“Are you at the store? Get me a diet coke.”
“HEY!” *my sub looks at me startled* “Thank you.”
I do not dominate someone into doing what I want. I am only assertive and clear in what I say.
It matters to me that whoever I’m speaking to feels that they have the choice to refuse my request.
(Because I know how it’s like living like you can’t.)
My style of domming is to guide my bottom through the whole experience.
Before starting a scene, it’s very important to me that they know I will never punish them for calling out any safewords.
I make it clear to my play partner I want them to be very willing to communicate.
Their physical and emotional well-being is very important to me. Both in and outside of a scene.
At the end of a scene, I always like to perform a meditation on my partner as part of aftercare.
They typically respond very well to this. They learn more about themselves and I get a deeper understanding of who they are and their inner lives.
In a scene, I don’t get any sadistic pleasure for inflicting pain sensation to my bottom. However, I do find it arousing.
Although expressing aggression and degradation isn’t my natural inclination, I still have many “charming jerk” canned phrases I enjoy saying to my bottom.
Being a Dominant is its own act of service in this regard. Because I want my bottom to get fulfillment and satisfaction.
So I’m very willing to be a dick and rough my bottom up if it gets them where they wanna be.
Personality-wise, I believe people who are characterized as soft Doms are those who have high assertiveness and high compassion or politeness.
Here are some resources I recommend:
DOM SUB 101 teaches you essential basic and advanced BDSM concepts, such as DomSpeak, power exchange, finding a partner, poly jealousy, primal play, contracts, worksheets and so on.
Submissive Journal: 365 Daily Journal Prompts will help you develop your emotional awareness, build your kinky relationships, as well as explore your submissive self-image and sensual desires.
Danger & Play BDSM Package includes handcuffs, mouth gag, kink paddle, collar and leash, nipple clamps, blindfold, shibari rope, and much more.
Classic Black Flogger is an incredibly versatile 5-star, impact play toy for both beginners and seasoned players.
Discreet Remote Control Vibrator 3 is the funnest toy to have your partner wear for getting them hot and bothered anytime and anywhere. (Read review)
Rose 2-in-1 Vibrator is easily one of the most pleasurable experiences she’s looking to have. (Read reviews)
Low Temp Wax Play Candles are incredible for very intimate, sensual experience that you and your partner will never forget. (Read guide)
The links above are NOT affiliate links. The product links are the exact same products I happily own from trusted vendor Sinful Goods.
Bathmate Hydromax is the safest and most effective male enhancement product I’ve ever used to increase my length and girth. Read more here.
Relationship Subliminal for self-hypnotism will help you change your unconscious behavior, gain better relationships, and attract like-minded people and partners.
DOM SUB 101 (Lite) is an affordable alternative to the ever-growing DOM SUB 101. This is for curious kinksters who are on a budget.
Inner Shadow Work is my main website that goes over psychology, spirituality, emotional maturity, consciousness, etc. If you’re interested, click here.
