Blanket Consent is a term used to describe the act of giving absolute consent to a partner for all things going forward.
This means that consent is assumed from then on until stated otherwise. Whereas normally, you’d need to get consent on a “scene-to-scene” basis.
Therefore, giving someone your blanket consent is similar to establishing a CNC relationship with someone.
Because you are having this blanket consent relationship with this person, you are likely to already trust them very, very much with all of your important considerations; limits, triggers, preferences, etc.
When safewords are used in a blanket consent relationship, this typically means that something is going terribly wrong, moreso than experiencing an intolerable form of play.
Who should you never give your on-going blanket consent to?
Never give blanket consent to anyone you’ve known for less than 6 full months.
You will never know anyone enough until at least six months have passed where you’ve been seeing around once or twice per week. People don’t drop their “public mask” until the 3 month mark anyway.
By the six month mark, you know if you want to keep this person in your life. This is a good rule of thumb since by that point, you see learn their temperament, interests, red flags, and so on.
Put on your thinking cap and really listen to your intuition and trust your senses.
If this person never takes accountability, get rid of them. A person with this poor level of character shouldn’t be partaking in BDSM because you can’t trust them with safety.
If this person has no work ethic, meaning you get no sense that they are at least reasonably productive, then take note of that. The most reliable people will be those who are more on the productive side and dutiful.
If this person is lazy + ambitious, they are likely to be manipulative and use deception to take shortcuts to get what they want. This is the cornerstone of narcissistic behavior. The only saving grace would be if they are genuinely compassionate and/or polite; this is reflected by their genuine desire to help and not cause trouble.
If this person is incapable of being vulnerable, drop them. People who are incapable of being vulnerable will be intinctively put off when someone else is being vulnerable. Giving someone like this you blanket consent, is asking to be left in the cold after something inevitably goes wrong.
There are plenty of more things to consider, but at minimum, they must not be abusive and they must be mature.
This is extremely important since many people find themselves in a place where blanket consent is irrevocable.
What is Free Use?
Free Use is a type of dynamic, whether perpetual or situational, where one person can use their partner however, whenever, and wherever they want.
This type of dynamic removes consent entirely. There may be negotiations about limits and such, but this is a dynamic you only give to someone you would trust your entire being with.
If you are giving your partner free use over your mind and body, they better be someone you know will take consideration of your triggers and so on.
When the free use dynamic is perpetual, then the how, when, and where is all fair game.
Understand that this can mean that your partner will give someone else permission to use you sexually. You are a complete slave to your partner’s will at all times.
When the free use dynamic is situational, the how is typically fair game, but the when and where are already decided.
Situational free use is more likely going to resemble CNC since there is a time and place where it’s allowed.
One mindset of free use is that engaging in a sexual act is treated as normally as making yourself a cup of coffee or doing the dishes. If you were made aware that you were in a free use home, you would be a bit rude to point out if the house D-type started penetrating the sweet s-type you were casually talking to mid-conversation. The sexual acts are not intimate, they are just casually getting their rocks off the same way someone would casually smoke a cigarette or have a tea.
Anytime there is talk of Free Use, there needs to be lots and lots of communication. There is no room for any assumptions here.
You need to communicate expectations before anything is put into place. You don’t know if the motivation for blanket consent is to show devotion and serve, or to embrace CNC sadomasochistic sexuality.
Here are some resources I recommend:
DOM SUB 101 teaches you essential basic and advanced BDSM concepts, such as DomSpeak, power exchange, finding a partner, poly jealousy, primal play, contracts, worksheets and so on.
Submissive Journal: 365 Daily Journal Prompts will help you develop your emotional awareness, build your kinky relationships, as well as explore your submissive self-image and sensual desires.
Danger & Play BDSM Package includes handcuffs, mouth gag, kink paddle, collar and leash, nipple clamps, blindfold, shibari rope, and much more.
Classic Black Flogger is an incredibly versatile 5-star, impact play toy for both beginners and seasoned players.
Discreet Remote Control Vibrator 3 is the funnest toy to have your partner wear for getting them hot and bothered anytime and anywhere. (Read review)
Rose 2-in-1 Vibrator is easily one of the most pleasurable experiences she’s looking to have. (Read reviews)
Low Temp Wax Play Candles are incredible for very intimate, sensual experience that you and your partner will never forget. (Read guide)
The links above are NOT affiliate links. The product links are the exact same products I happily own from trusted vendor Sinful Goods.
Bathmate Hydromax is the safest and most effective male enhancement product I’ve ever used to increase my length and girth. Read more here.
Relationship Subliminal for self-hypnotism will help you change your unconscious behavior, gain better relationships, and attract like-minded people and partners.
DOM SUB 101 (Lite) is an affordable alternative to the ever-growing DOM SUB 101. This is for curious kinksters who are on a budget.
Inner Shadow Work is my main website that goes over psychology, spirituality, emotional maturity, consciousness, etc. If you’re interested, click here.
