Collar Blindness is when someone is willing to do anything it takes to attain a collar, without taking time to self-reflect and determine if one actually wants the responsibilities it inherent to it.
A collar is an earned symbol of one’s commitment and devotion to a BDSM relationship. This is highly revered in the BDSM community, the same way marriage is in the vanilla world.
We are not referring to play collars or training collars.
Before social media was the way to show you were better than others, people used to flash their wedding rings to show they were “taken” as if they were further along and a higher status in life.
Being collared seems to be the equivalent to this by people who are delving deeply into the community.
What Causes Collar Blindness & What Are The Types of People Who Would?
This means that instead of seeing the collar as a symbol for the relationship, the person is pursuing the collar blindly because they have arbitrarily bought into an idea and haven’t taken the time to think about what’s really happening or whether they still want to do it.
A person who does this is likely someone who does things in life because they think they “should”. Someone like this is lacking in self-awareness and is out of touch with their inner self—to the degree that they do what they are told or what they believe is expected of them.
A more relatable example would be “falling in love” and experiencing participation mystique, which is essentially being infatuated and unable to spot the red flags or differences between partners because the adrenaline from “new love” is making the couple want to stick together long enough to bond and have babies, scientifically speaking.
This is the similar type of brainwashing that goes on when you are born into a strict religious household—the person has “blinders” on and can’t see other ways of doing things. You believe your are “of” the group, instead of “part” of the group; you aren’t differentiated, individuated, or matured. It isn’t until you are met with the boundaries, limitations, resistances, and drama scenes between yourself and the “world you are in”, that you awaken to possibilities and rise in consciousness.
In a religious context, you want to have sex and your religion doesn’t agree, then you end up sinning and are forced to confront and accept your own individuality away from the “group’s culture”.
You would see this in Collar Blindness when the person is finally disillusioned and realizes, “maybe I don’t want to place my loyalty to this person”. Which can lead to an existential crisis, similar to a midlife crisis, where the person has a rude awakening and ponders “then what is all of this for?” and “everything in life is just a distraction!” or other life has lost meaning sentiments.
In terms of vanilla life, lots of women who are divorced never want to get married again because they didn’t like who they became within a marriage. They were miserable, many (not all) times, this is because they were chasing the ring and wedding, without really understanding what they were doing or the person they were committing to. The fear of turning back to who they were was a lot of unconscious behavior, so they generally don’t have to worry about that—but it’s okay to feel that way, because that’s when they didn’t know who they were to begin with, otherwise they would’ve asked themselves if getting married was right for them, instead of assuming that as a life goal and mindlessly pursuing it.
Getting married is an arbitrary, default lifestyle, just as much as men being the breadwinner and women being the homemaker. The genders don’t matter, who does which duties don’t matter, all that matters is that what you’re doing works for you and you find your life to be fulfilling.
Essentially, the types of people who would fall into this thinking are those who are:
- Underdeveloped in maturity. Everyone is guilty of this at some point. You are guilty if you’ve been deeply engrossed in any kind of group you felt determined your worth and internally found yourself betrayed by said group. This also happens to a lot of people who are cheated on by their first loves.
- Habitual assimilators. These people are those who copy all the rhetoric of the social media content pockets they follow, or the groups they associate themselves with. Essentially, people are aren’t independent thinkers.
The over-arching quality between the people who would fall into collar blindness would be those who believe there are “shoulds” in life. These are the people who don’t know themselves yet and need to work on their self-awareness.
This form of thinking is very common in young people, but is nearly ever-present in your parent’s generation’s way of thinking. I don’t know how old you are, but I’m a late millennial who is near the start of Gen Z—
Older generations are going to have a default understanding of how life should be lived, but the good news is that there’s a level of reliability and stability there. Otherwise society wouldn’t have gotten this far, to today.
How To Recognize, Stop & Prevent Collar Blindness
Ask yourself the following questions:
- Do you know what it takes to be collared?
- What does it mean to be collared?
- Do you know what these things mean and are you up to do that?
- What’s in it for you?
- Do you understand that, in life, if you contribute to something that doesn’t benefit you, you will be exploited? This is called “taking a bad deal”.
- Do you want to pursue being collared?
If you can’t answer each and every single question that is listed above, then you don’t have the awareness necessary to not regret it being a possible mistake.
Yup, I gotcha. Before you asked yourself those questions—if you went through with a collaring process and didn’t like it, you could’ve told yourself “Oh, I didn’t know, so I can’t regret it”
Nope.
I just robbed you of that.
Answer the questions very thoroughly before making any real commitments.
Because people don’t work on things they don’t have faith in and it’s very, very important you know where you’re placing your faith. Otherwise, you’re in for a rude awakening.
That said, if you are in a relationship that isn’t working for you, don’t get collared.
Like I said—people don’t work on things they don’t have faith in and if you’re partner isn’t putting in the work to make the relationship work for you… well I got news for you.
There’s a difference between getting collared for a relationship that can work, and getting collared for a relationship that won’t work.
The one’s that can work will always feel fairly easy. At the very least, it will not feel like you’re pulling teeth.
If you feel like you’re pulling teeth… someone doesn’t have faith in your relationship… [side-eyes your partner].
Here are some resources I recommend:
DOM SUB 101 teaches you essential basic and advanced BDSM concepts, such as DomSpeak, power exchange, finding a partner, poly jealousy, primal play, contracts, worksheets and so on.
Submissive Journal: 365 Daily Journal Prompts will help you develop your emotional awareness, build your kinky relationships, as well as explore your submissive self-image and sensual desires.
Danger & Play BDSM Package includes handcuffs, mouth gag, kink paddle, collar and leash, nipple clamps, blindfold, shibari rope, and much more.
Classic Black Flogger is an incredibly versatile 5-star, impact play toy for both beginners and seasoned players.
Discreet Remote Control Vibrator 3 is the funnest toy to have your partner wear for getting them hot and bothered anytime and anywhere. (Read review)
Rose 2-in-1 Vibrator is easily one of the most pleasurable experiences she’s looking to have. (Read reviews)
Low Temp Wax Play Candles are incredible for very intimate, sensual experience that you and your partner will never forget. (Read guide)
The links above are NOT affiliate links. The product links are the exact same products I happily own from trusted vendor Sinful Goods.
Bathmate Hydromax is the safest and most effective male enhancement product I’ve ever used to increase my length and girth. Read more here.
Relationship Subliminal for self-hypnotism will help you change your unconscious behavior, gain better relationships, and attract like-minded people and partners.
DOM SUB 101 (Lite) is an affordable alternative to the ever-growing DOM SUB 101. This is for curious kinksters who are on a budget.
Inner Shadow Work is my main website that goes over psychology, spirituality, emotional maturity, consciousness, etc. If you’re interested, click here.
