In this post, we’ll be going over what is “topping from the bottom.”
Check out How to Stop Topping From The Bottom.
What is Topping From the Bottom?
Topping from the bottom refers to a submissive deliberately disrupting their Dominant’s authority.
In a scene, this refers to the physical act of a bottom “taking over” a scene instead of “receiving” the scene from their Top.
The supposed issue is that the bottom isn’t respecting their partner’s role or their own role. So there’s usually disappointment along the lines of, “why am I going to play if they don’t even play by the rules?”
This typically occurs due to a lack of communication, mismatched expectations, and failed negotiations. Other times this can be a lack of self-awareness.
Keep in mind that a submissive does want to be submissive. So many times, there simply needs to be more communication.
Within a relationship dynamic, “topping from the bottom” is when a bottom undermines their Top’s authority. Sometimes to that point that the bottom is abusing protocol and etiquette.
However, it’s important to know that unhealthy Dominants use this phrase to shut down any criticisms and manipulate bottoms into not questioning their intentions.
Essentially, an unhealthy Dom can use the phrase “topping from the bottom” to shame a sub into obeying them while dismissing the sub’s limits—this is unacceptable.
Other phrases abusive people say are:
“I’m a Dom, so I know what’s best for you.” This blocks all communication, which is the only way a person can accurately discern what is best for you. Shutting down communication is shutting down consent. Get away from this person.
“I’m a natural Dominant. Don’t question me.” Nobody is a natural at all of this stuff. This type of arrogance disregards others and leads to unnecessary injury. With enough vetting, you’ll learn that this person is a fake.
Note: You shouldn’t feel pressured into anything.
A healthy Dominant will care about their submissive’s well-being and want to know what they have to say. They will not make excuses, tell you there’s nothing to talk about, or rudely brush off your feelings.
A submissive should feel free to stand their ground about their needs and wants. Because like I said earlier, a healthy relationship is fulfilling for everyone involved. This is why communication must always be open.
That being said, let’s go over some examples of what is and isn’t topping from the bottom:
Examples of Topping From the Bottom
- Constantly using safe words for no reason. Every bottom should always feel comfortable using safewords. And every Top should respect those safewords. But arbitrarily using safe words constantly can indicate that (1) there needs to be more communication, whether it be about limits, preferences, etc., (2) the submissive is treating safety as a joke and isn’t emotionally mature.
- Constant misbehaving in attempts to get punished for fun. This is annoying and exhausting. If a sub is doing this, I find that its best to make punishments the least enjoyable as possible.
- Constantly finding ways to defy. At this point she probably just isn’t “subby” enough. Assuming that you two have already communicated expectations and etiquette. If it’s not a communication issue, then it’s probably an incompatibility issue.
What ISN’T Topping From the Bottom
- A submissive addressing their unmet needs. A healthy relationship is fulfilling to all involved. It’s important to speak up when you aren’t getting the fulfillment you’re looking for. If someone is unwilling to listen, then it’s a sign that someone isn’t emotionally available enough to make the necessary space to fit a healthy relationship.
- Questioning their Dominants true intentions. A submissive has a lot to lose and shouldn’t trust anyone, including their Dominants, with blind faith. A submissive must always protect their most important property—themselves. Even if this means questioning the person they believe is supposed to have their best interests in mind. A healthy Dominant will agree to this and is willing to communicate and clear things up with you.
Brats & Topping from the Bottom
On a less serious note, there are plenty of brats out there who get fulfillment from giving their Dom a hard time.
Well, that’s not true.
Although they like challenging their Dom, they tend to like more when their Dom uses that challenge to assert their dominance.
That way, the sub can feel his dominance.
A Dom who knows their sub can usually discern when this is happening.
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DOM SUB 101 teaches you essential basic and advanced BDSM concepts, such as DomSpeak, power exchange, finding a partner, poly jealousy, primal play, contracts, worksheets and so on.
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Bathmate Hydromax is the safest and most effective male enhancement product I’ve ever used to increase my length and girth. Read more here.
Relationship Subliminal for self-hypnotism will help you change your unconscious behavior, gain better relationships, and attract like-minded people and partners.
DOM SUB 101 (Lite) is an affordable alternative to the ever-growing DOM SUB 101. This is for curious kinksters who are on a budget.
Inner Shadow Work is my main website that goes over psychology, spirituality, emotional maturity, consciousness, etc. If you’re interested, click here.
